Recently, a newspaper carried a story which appeared to suggest that more and more Ghanaian women are proposing to men.
This sparked an interesting debate because, as an Akan adage puts it, it is the dog that looks for a bone, not the bone that looks for the dog.
This adage comes from a historical context in which a woman was expected to stay with her parents and wait for a man to ask for her hand in marriage.
Men always did the hunting, while a woman was expected to play hard to get, no matter how badly she wanted the man.
A woman who showed interest in a man was seen as cheap, fast, pushy, indecent and desperate. Thankfully, things are changing and we are seeing more women proposing to men.
Why are more women proposing?
Today, the eyes of the Ghanaian woman are ‘open’. With the rise of women’s empowerment, she knows that whatever a man can do, she can do, too.
If a man can go after a woman he loves, she can do the same instead of merely accepting a man who proposes to her.
Today, finding an eligible man to marry is harder than finding a piece of diamond on the shore.
More men are becoming intimidated by women who excel in their academics and professions. Some are postponing marriage as they focus on what they consider their greatest emotional needs: success in their careers.
To many Ghanaian men, marriage can wait, but to women, time is often said to be their greatest enemy.
More young, beautiful and daring women are emerging and the risk of being left on the shelf is high. It is also a fact that, in Ghana, while marriage is a major social symbol, children are often the focus of marriage.
The longer a woman waits, the greater her concern about her chances of becoming a mother, as fertility naturally declines with age. The urge to start a family may be reason enough for a woman to propose to a man.
What a woman looks for
A woman looks at how you carry yourself, especially your self-confidence, how you care for yourself, what you wear and your hairstyle.
She also considers your general attitude, integrity, loyalty and commitment. A woman loves a man with a good sense of humour because fun has great emotional and physical benefits for her.
A woman looks for a man who can take charge and handle difficult situations without giving up because security is important to her.
She also looks for a man who can provide for her needs. A woman sees money as a means of security. She must be sure there will be enough to meet her basic needs.
How a woman goes after a man
She manages to get your attention and puts her best foot forward through good dressing, regular greetings, talking to you or sitting close to you.
She gives you “close marking” and may even ask you to do very simple things for her.
She instinctively knows if she has hunted you down but deliberately acts surprised and plays some “woman-do”.She makes you believe you hunted her down, even when she initiated the whole thing.
Good news for men?
Isaiah 4:1 reads: “In that day seven women shall take hold of one man, saying, We will eat our own bread and wear our own apparel; only let us be called by your name, to take away our reproach.”
We are getting to that time. The fact that more women are proposing is part of God’s plan to relieve men of the nerve-racking experiences they go through in chasing highly sophisticated and elusive women. Soon, men can afford to bluff and have the last laugh.
Men should, however, never underestimate the power and ingenuity of a woman. Even when she wants you, she can strategise in such a way that you will be the one hunting her because men love to hunt and women love being hunted.
At the end of the day, the message is simple: love is not a bone-and-dog matter. It is a matter of the heart, and it does not matter who proposes to whom.
If you find a man you love, go after him. Pursue him relentlessly, track him down and beat your chest with your ring for a job well done.
Get the one you truly love instead of merely accepting the one who proposes to you. If a man can propose to a woman, a woman can do the same and even better.
