A Perpetual Receiver

‘Everyone has something to give back’ is the position I have taken. And yet, have I not seen a good many who, having declared themselves barren, appear permanently wedded to a position of perpetual receivership, denying themselves the joyful blessings of giving!

Case studies

Kojo has been a ‘house boy’ to the Addisons for over 24 years. He lives on his own but reports to work daily. Over the period, his employee status has gradually morphed into that of a family member. Through good and bad times, they have stuck together, so much so that Kojo has also now assumed the airs of a senior bourgeois corporate executive; he shows up to work around 10a.m. and by 3p.m, is wrapping up his daily activities. Whenever his children are due to return to school, he submits their bills to the Addisons for support. Whenever Kojo is ill, he submits his medical bills for reimbursement. Being Moslem, Kojo celebrates ‘Sallah’ every year. 

And this is what puzzled me when I came into the picture. Prior to each year’s ‘Sallah’, Kojo would be sure to remind the Addisons of the forthcoming celebration. A day prior to the D Day, he would squeeze a few bills out of them to facilitate the celebration of his holidays. As we know however, occasions like ‘Sallah’ and Christmas are opportunities for celebrants to give and share. For over 24 years, Kojo, a celebrant, has always dutifully extorted from the Addisons. Not once has he found it necessary to bring a little ‘Sallah’ meat to share in 24 years!

Mensah loves his uncle (Wofa) the Professor. And why not? They share the same birthday and for some reason, Wofa Prof loves to invest in him. Sponsored his school, and sponsored his training in photography, sponsored the follow-up photography business. Not once did Wofa ask for financial accountability or a return on his investments. Not once did Mensah offer same. Mensah’s success and ability to live independently were sufficient motivation for Wofa Prof. The reality, however, was something else altogether. Each year, Mensah would pass by the house to consume jollofrice, and find an excuse to extort a little more money. Not once did he bring Wofa Prof. a birthday gift –a framed picture maybe. This has gone on for so many years now that no one expects anything different.

Marcus was visibly angry at his father. Which wicked father would cut off his supply of electricity, and consign Marcus and his family to darkness? Slowly the facts emerged. Marcus was his father’s rent-free tenant and for a good number of years, would have his utility bills paid for by the “Oldman.” Marcus was in his late 40s and the “Oldman” retired from public service 17 years ago. “Oldman” cut off the electricity for the simple reason that his pension was not adequate to support the bills for the entire house. And certainly not for the son who had never bought him a shirt, brought him some harvested garden produce, could go for two months without a “hello” and would not offer to weed the sometimes overgrown compound!

What do you have to give?
Kojo, Mensah and Marcus each had something to give, a kind word, a needed service, some valuable time, a warm smile, expressions of gratitude, a show of concern , a token gift, a telephone call, a joke on WhatsApp, an offer to run an errand, a card with thoughtful words, a bouquet of tantalising flowers etc. Adopting a victim-mentality, they had apparently branded themselves as being in possession of nothing. Further, they had chosen to categorise their kind benefactors as being all sufficient, and therefore needing absolutely nothing. In some cases, this attitude of ingratitude has left great and lingering pain in the hearts of the benefactors, making them wonder whether this had been worth all the effort. Slowly, it has become painfully clear to some of these benefactors that people like Kojo, Mensah and Marcus care, not for themselves personally, but for what material comforts they can extract from them.

The good book has already compared acts of giving and receiving – concluding that there is far more blessing in the former. This Christmas season of giving, typified by God giving us his son Jesus, I urge all to reflect anew. Who do you regularly receive from? Who have you taken for granted for so long, believing all along is so well-connected and so well-endowed that he/she has no needs, only fit to give? How can you pleasantly reciprocate the kindness and the concrete support this year? How can you turn yourself from a perpetual receiver to a thoughtful giver?
Give thoughtfully this year

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