Good & Healthy Relationship Advice & Tips

Today, undoubtedly the biggest problem in all relationships is cheating, which is  indecent association, including sex, with someone of the opposite sex other than your lover.

The young and old, rich and poor, religious and non-religious are involved. 

Today, our women who in the past were credited with fidelity have thrown their virtues away and are matching men bumper to bumper. We must admit however that presently, men do cheat more than women but we must never underestimate the power of a woman.

Cheating is a world-wide epidemic. For example some 10 years ago, a study in the US showed that in more than 80 per cent of marriages one or both partners had cheated on their lover. In Ghana, this could be a tip of the iceberg.

Why cheat?

Lovers cheat for whatever reason you can think about. A man is always attracted to a woman. This does not change because you are married or in a relationship. In fact, there are genes in us that predispose one to cheating. 

The greater the number of these genes in you , the greater your ‘wahala’. This explains why men whose fathers were promiscuous tend to do same. It also explains why some lovers cheat even when they love their partners and their partners do everything for them.

All relationships revolve around emotional needs. A man’s topmost emotional needs are respect, sex, attractive wife and domestic care (cooking and taking good care of the home) while a woman’s topmost emotional needs are affection, companionship, family commitment and financial security. 

If you do not meet your lover’s emotional needs, chances are he or she would try to get them from someone else.

Some cheat because they have the myth that it will spice up their relationship, while others cheat for personal needs like appointment and financial support. 

A wide disparity in age may lead to cheating. For example a woman’s sexual arousal peaks in the late 30s or early 40s. At this stage many men may be going downhill. The situation is worse when the woman is much older than the man.

Effects of cheating.

When a lover cheats, the brain produces some chemicals that put him or her in a condition similar to the mentally challenged. He or she cannot make rational decisions . He may buy a car for his girlfriend while his wife goes to work in a ‘tro tro’. 

Gradually he or she destroys the social, mental, emotional and financial fabric of his or her relationship. The lover who cheats loses his dignity and the partner who is cheated on feels a loss of self- esteem and becomes hurt and bitter. 

Cheating will negatively affect your relationship with your friends, work and future life choices.

Cheating is the single most damaging thing that can destroy the sanity and sanctity  of a relationship. It is also what a man considers as most unforgivable. 

No matter how hard you try to work at it, it becomes a scar in your relationship because it breaks trust, the foundation of every relationship.

Will you stay?

Handling a cheating lover is very difficult to do; he cheats and apologises but he does it again and again. Some partners on finding out that their lovers are cheating also cheat to pay back for what their lovers do.  

Today it is common to hear women warn that if their men cheat they will do the same. Some withdraw or tough out and deliberately create all kinds of problems for their lovers.  

Some turn their attention to their rivals and fight them with whatever weapon they can lay their hands on including occultic intervention.

A study done in the US showed that 65 per cent of lovers who are cheated on stay on and rebuild their relationships. In most cases a relationship does not break down because of cheating but what happens after it?  

If you can forgive yourself and your lover and  resolve your challenges well, it could be an opportunity to strengthen your relationship. Will you accept a cheating lover?”

Email: jydboakye02yahoo.com. The writer is the director of Eudoo Counselling Centre, West Legon. He is also the author of Your Guide to Marriage, Love Unlimited and The journey of Love. Mob 0208181861