When given ‘no parking’
Being in a fulfilling relationship is the best thing that could happen to you. Your brain stimulates the production of a cocktail of chemicals which give you a rosy outlook of life.
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You fall in love with yourself and the world around you. You love to be with your lover and wish the good feeling would never end. However sometimes when you least expect it your lover comes up with a shocker ‘I am out of the relationship!’
In Ghana when your lover dumps you, you are said to have been given ‘no parking’
The agony of ‘no parking’
Breakups are extremely difficult and painful irrespective of who wants out. You may have intense pain, anger and depression. Your body produces chemicals that actually weaken your heart tissues.
One half of your heart may expand more than the other and this may interrupt blood circulation. You may suffer mentally and physically and even death.
Some six years ago, a 24-year-old woman informed friends and relatives of her big and expensive upcoming wedding. Invitation cards had gone out. However just two weeks before the wedding, the man pulled out without a reason.
She left for her hometown to avoid public ridicule but she was a complete stranger there and had no one to talk to. When she came back to Accra some three months later she was completely insane.
Studies show women suffer from broken heart more than men. Men easily file away their problems but women see their problems in detail.
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The problems grow in their minds and they have difficulty getting rid of them. This explains why about 80 per cent of our women in our mental homes are victims of broken heart.
Handling ‘no parking’
The wisest man that ever lived, Solomon, said ‘a broken heart who can bear?’ Simply put, there is no easy way to handle a broken heart. However how you handle your broken heart is an important indicator to your holistic development and the health of your future relationship
Accept the decision of your lover
It is the basic right of any individual to stay or leave a relationship. It does not matter how dearly you need him or her.
Do not call all day or ask friends and relatives to get him or her back. You must also avoid nosing around to find out if he or she has a ‘new catch’.
And certainly do not fight the new lover of your ex.
Do not blame yourself
Avoid thinking of the resources you invested in the relationship. Do not think of what you could have done to save the relationship. Do not blame anyone not even the lover who left you.
Forgive yourself and your ex because bitterness will harm you mentally and physically.
Feel the pain
You can never get out of your negative emotions if you pretend you are not hurt. Shed tears if you can because they heal.
You may share your problem with a trusted friend to seek emotional support or talk about it to yourself.
Spend time with good friends and do what you enjoy doing. This is an effective way to get over your stress.
Do a symbolic act
You may write the problem on a piece of paper and tear up or burn the paper as you imagine your hurt leaving you
Take good care of yourself Avoid the temptation of eating a lot to deaden your pain.
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It is also advisable to exercise regularly because it a good natural antidepressant which boosts your immune system.
Give yourself some space
Avoid rushing into a rebound relationship to show your ex that you are worthy of being loved.
You may need up to one year to heal yourself. During this period develop a positive mental attitude that you are good and will get a better relationship.
The good in ‘no parking’
Sometimes when we are victims of heart break we question ‘why me?’ and think we deserve better but it is always important to look at the brighter side of anything that happens to us in life.
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Sometimes a breakup is exactly what you need to make you better and stronger and an opportunity for a more stable, exciting and rewarding relationship.
If you face your heartbreak head on you will come out stronger and more refreshed for a better relationship.
You can love again after ‘no parking’
• The writer is the Director of Eudoo Counselling Centre, West Legon.
He is also the author of ‘Your Guide to Marriage, Love Unlimited and The Journey of Love’
(jydboakye.yahoo.com)
Mob 0208181861
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