Good & Healthy Relationship Advice & Tips

A woman loves to be in a relationship. In fact most women define their self-esteem by the quality of their relationship. If her relationship is good, everything about her feels good.

A woman will ,therefore, consciously work on her relationship to keep it but sadly sometimes, she unconsciously pushes away what she loves to keep.

Some 10 years ago, a wealthy man had a fight with his wife in their bedroom. In the heat of the argument, the woman who greatly loved her man called him  kwasea. 

The man, an Ashanti from a royal home, knew very well that kwasea means more than the English translation of a fool. He understood the insult to mean one who is irresponsible, worthless, and good for nothing and deserving no respect. 

The man’s response was instant divorce and no amount of pleading from pastors and elders could save the marriage. She pushed away what she loved most.

How you send your man away unconsciously

Not respecting him. Respect is the most important need of a man because it encourages him to grow, mature and be himself. It makes him a stronger partner, protector and provider.

 If you do not respect your man, you make him a living dead and drive him away without knowing.

Not submitting to him. Submitting is the yielding obedience to your man and ultimately to your Maker who instituted marriage and made your man the ordained leader.

Submission involves your attitude and your actions. If you do not submit to your man, you question his leadership and competence to lead your relationship.

 You compete with him and he questions his self-worth. He avoids you to protect his ego.

Not trusting him. Deep inside, your man is the desire to be trusted. Trust encourages your man to share all areas of his life including his fears and failures with you.

You attack your man’s masculinity and boast your achievement. You pride yourself in intimidation, aggression and power. You put your man down in front of others. 

If you go behind him and do things  just to show you can do better, you tell him he does not measure up to you. He responds by pulling away from you.

You hold him responsible for your happiness. You remind him again and again of his responsibilities even when he thinks he is doing his best.

You think your man owes you happiness when in fact no one can make another happy. You put undue pressure on him and he may not know what do. 

You do not appreciate what he does but you always nag about what you do not have and what other women have.

He may feel he is a failure and give up trying to meet your needs. He may avoid you by working for longer hours leaving the relationship in the lurch.

Not meeting his emotional needs. A man’s topmost emotional needs include sex, an attractive wife and good domestic care. 

If you do not show interest in sex, look good, have unkempt hair, make no effort to control your weight, do not cook well and do not keep your home neat, you may depress your man and he may dump you.

Are you sending your man away unconsciously?

Your man may look big and strong but deep inside he may be very fragile, tied to a thin thread. His ego, self-confidence, sense of worth are tied to you and any seemingly insignificant word, action or deed may be all that is needed to drive your man away without you knowing. 

Understand your man. Be completely devoted to him. Trust him and be his cheer leader.

If you love your man deeply from your heart and walk your talk, he will always draw closer to you and never leave you or forsake you. 

The writer is the Director of Eudoo Counselling Centre, West Legon. 

He is also the author of ‘Your Guide to Marriage, Love Unlimited and The Journey of Love’

(Jydboakye.yahoo.com)

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