The sexually abused child
Child sexual abuse covers a range of illegal sexual activities that include forcing a child to strip or masturbate; engaging in any kind of sexual activity in front of a child; watching pornography with the child or possessing images of child sexual abuse; taking, downloading, viewing or distributing sexual images of children and sexting (dirty talk via digital means) between a child and adult.
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Encouraging a child to perform sexual acts in front of a webcam, not taking measures to protect a child from witnessing sexual activity or images, inappropriate sexual touching of a child (clothed or unclothed) and penetrative sex are all ways by which children are sexually abused by the unsuspected trusted adults in their lives.
These adults (online or in-person) employ manipulative behaviours to gain trust of a potential victim.
They make them feel loved and special and can train them to keep the relationship secret.
This is what is known as grooming.
Fault
Most children often do not talk about their experience of sexual abuse because they think it is their fault or because of the abuser’s threat that they will die upon disclosure.
In Ghana, it is casually said that child abuse is occurring in every home.
This is because of the many ways by which ignorant parents neglect care.
Children who sleep in the same room with their parents may actually be spying on them when they are having sexual intercourse.
At six months, when a baby can sit, parents may have sex in front of them thinking that it is a harmless move.
At one year, children begin to imitate, and this is when they embarrass parents by moving their bodies the way they have seen them do before in the sexual act.
Some children also bathe and are bathed in the open.
This continues till the parents, at their own discretion, decide one day that the child should not be exposed any more.
Siblings of both sexes bathe together and sleep in the same bed or in the same room, exposing their nudity to themselves.
Parents also undress, thoughtlessly exposing their nakedness to children of the opposite sex.
Education
Education on appropriate and inappropriate touching of body parts should start as soon as the child begins to learn and name the body parts.
As part of normal development, children begin to become sexually aware exploring their own sexual body parts, asking questions about physical differences between males and females, and where babies come from between the ages of four to six years.
This is when we must begin to respect gender differences among siblings, and now arm them with safety information on sexual abuse.
By the age of 10 years, children become increasingly curious about adult sexual behaviour and may start showing signs of puberty.
A child’s sexual behaviour can, therefore, be a problem if it is out of the ordinary for his or her age.
A child who is being abused sexually may show changes in behaviour.
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This is why parents must know their children, so they can detect the sudden aggressive, withdrawn or clingy behaviour.
Some children have difficulties sleeping, have nightmares or start wetting the bed.
The child may dislike or begin to fear a particular person, place or avoid the abuser.
Children who have been abused may exhibit sexually inappropriate behaviours such as being flirtatious or using sexually explicit language.
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They may develop health problems including soreness in genital and anal areas (resist mothers touching their genital area or may find it difficult to sit), may be infected with sexually transmitted diseases or may even become pregnant.
Their grades begin to drop in school because of difficulty concentrating and learning.
A lot of the times, they drop hints and clues that abuse is happening, but most parents do not listen to them well.
Both boys and girls can be victims of abuse, though more girls are generally abused than boys.
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The writer is a Child Development Expert/ Fellow at Zero-to-three
Academy, USA.
E-mail: nanaesi_19@yahoo.co.uk