Social skills 101

Social skills are the abilities we need to communicate and engage others effectively.

People who have well-cultured social skills know how to build and sustain relationships, work as team players, and also know how to handle messy social situations.

Right from birth, newborns start signalling their need to connect through their unsolicited smiles.

For the rest of their lives, they are taught their society’s rules of engagement.

These rules guide verbal and non-verbal communication.

Verbal communication involves the use of speech to express oneself clearly and effectively. Expressing oneself through gestures, facial expressions and body language make up non-verbal communication.

The ability to understand one’s own emotions and those of others and the relevance of considering these in interactions is commonly known as emotional intelligence.

Without the ability to put oneself in the shoes of others to understand their feelings, the world will not be such a pleasant place to live in.

This is what being empathetic is about. 

The setting and achieving of goals even requires a person to develop the ability to manage their thoughts, feelings and behaviours. This is self-regulation.

When conflicts arise, the ability to manage them constructively requires a certain set of social skills.

Social development

This is why the social development of children must not be allowed to develop on autopilot.

A well-cultured child, who knows the social code and embodies it, appreciates that it is not only about what a person does but how he does it.

With consistency, a charming personality is built.

A charming personality leaves a deep impression on others such that it is hard to forget or ignore.

Memories of our interaction with such persons are etched in our minds. People who have charming personalities do not only show interest in others but they simply love humanity.

This is evident in their acts of empathy and graciousness. It is possible to attract people to oneself and influence their attitude for good through one’s graciousness.

This is why graciousness is said to be the keystone of good manners. A charming person is known by four characteristics: sincerity, simplicity, sympathy and serenity.

Help

To help our children develop these traits, they must first find them in the adults around them. We must not lose sight of good manners, Courtesies that should be extended to neighbours, guests, adults and the elderly whilst travelling on public transport, at parties, etc. must not be thrown out of the window.

We must encourage our children to embrace challenges as opportunities for learning, growth and development rather than a threat to their ego.

This is how to foster a growth mentality. Being patient and consistent are important virtues that we must reinforce.

The world is in dire need of people with a strong backbone and not those who flip-flop at every twist and turn.

Participating in community service or volunteer work with children helps them to experience the true joy and value of helping others.

Books that promote kindness, empathy and gratitude have a way of impacting children positively too.

If possible, parents should praise and reward gracious behaviour. Keeping a gratitude journal helps children to develop gratitude.

Many children who have a sense of entitlement need to be helped to learn perspective-taking and what gratitude is all about. 

Charm can indeed be superficial, deceitful and a powerful tool for manipulation.

The kind of charm being described is the ability to be genuinely interested in others by listening and caring for them.

It’s not about misleading people to like us or gain favour, but to be a person of impact.

The writer is a Child Development Expert/ Fellow at Zero-to-three Academy, USA.

E-mail: nanaesi_19@yahoo.co.uk