The golden rule

Valentine’s Day brings a great opportunity to families and teachers to teach children about the golden rule of life. This rule simply says “do unto others as you would have them do unto you”.

Historically, this is one rule that the ancient Greeks, Romans, Persians, Arabians, Indians, Egyptians, etc., believed in.

Across many religious contexts, this rule is widely acclaimed and central to facilitating peace in human relationships.

This rule is, however, best learnt in early childhood to help us develop positive beneficial relationships.

Children, who go through adverse childhood experiences where this rule is foreign to their exposure, can end up contributing to toxic relationships around them.

Children, whose feelings are not considered in childhood (experiences of emotional abuse, physical abuse and neglect typically), can learn to also not feel for others, even though studies have shown that adults, who reported experiencing a traumatic event in childhood, had elevated empathy levels, compared to adults who did not experience a traumatic event.

A key ability to the practice of the golden rule is empathy and considering how others may feel because of our actions and inaction.

True image

The golden rule holds universal morality and humanises the true image of love.

Positive good is realised if one is able to stop and reflect on a situation and ponder how they would sincerely feel if given a certain same treatment that they have the choice to give to another person.

 This is what empathy is about.

Random acts of kindness which children see adults extending to all, not just limited to friends and families, can communicate to them that kindness is an important expression of love.

Encouraging kindness among students should be deliberate. 

Teachers, who set good examples of kindness consistently, have a way of imprinting empathy indelibly in the hearts of children.

In societies like ours, where most parents do not affirm their love for their children, an exciting opportunity to build self-confidence in childhood is missed.

Volunteering

Volunteering is another great way for children to learn empathy.

By volunteering at schools for children with special needs, orphanages, hospitals, food kitchens, events for the less privileged and elderly, during humanitarian crises or at other community projects, children experience first hand how their actions positively affect others.

The exposure to characters in story books, cartoons and videos, who showed empathy towards others can leave long lasting effects on children’s memory and can influence behaviour.

Boundaries

Children must be taught about healthy boundaries.

 Boundaries are behavioural rules that we uphold as acceptable or unacceptable.

 These rules help to keep us safe by making it easy for us to appraise actions and inaction around us that honour our needs and wants.

It is easy to respect and value others when we know and appreciate what that means for us.

People who have healthy boundaries are careful enough not to carry out the very things they detest on others. 

Embracing diversity and helping children to become accepting of others because we are different makes them graceful and gracious in their relationship with others.

Parents can also coach the social skills of their children in very exciting ways in everyday life during conflicts by asking how the offender would feel if offended.

In this context, parents can discuss more empathetic options for insensitive behavior.

While Valentine’s Day has been projected as a day for romance and illicit activities, we can positively engage our children by teaching them the real ideals of how love does not seek to dominate but it cultivates; it does not destroy but it builds up.

Above all, true love waits and considers the best interest of others too.

The writer is a Child Development Expert/Fellow, Zero-To-Three Academy.