Time for restoration
Old timers recall with nostalgia the beauty and serenity of the Korle Lagoon in Accra. The water was clear and contained many aquatic animals. Lovers took romantic walks around it and young men swam or fished in it.
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Today, however, the lagoon is dead because gradually, tonnes of garbage, dust, plastic waste and sewage have been dumped into the lagoon, killing most of the aquatic animals in there. Today, the lagoon threatens human health and has put our future at risk.
Most relationships are like the Korle Lagoon. We start good and sweet and boast. The brain stimulates the production of chemicals which makes a lover blind to see the weaknesses in the relationship and we think our relationships are the best things that ever happened to us.
Later, the stimulation tapes off and our weaknesses become more noticeable. By our actions and inactions we throw toxic materials into our relationships and put them at risk.
Why relationships are like present day Korle Lagoon
Ignorance is the biggest killer in all relationships. Most people get into relationships without preparing themselves physically, mentally and emotionally. They do not understand what true love is or the roles and expectations in relationships.
Some get into relationships with wrong intentions; a man wants a beautiful woman and a woman wants a man who is ‘loaded’.
In most cases, people choose wrong partners. It is like playing the game with wrong selection of players who do not even know the rules of the game and still have the myth of winning their matches.
The Korle Lagoon has poorly been managed just like what happens to most relations. Apathy sets in most relationships and partners take each other for granted and the love fire slowly dies off.
We throw in toxic materials such as constant criticism, withdrawal, intolerance, abuse, selfishness, dishonesty, disrespect, poor communication and forgiveness. Gradually, we turn our relationships into present day Korle Lagoon.
Restoring your relationship
The good news is that environmentalists have assured us that Korle-Lagoon can be restored to a good degree by good conservation plans and enactment of strict laws on our activities in and around the lagoon. This requires commitment.
In the same way, every relationship in Korle Lagoon’s status can be restored. In fact studies show partners in the Korle-Lagoon like relationships but work on it are happier than those who leave. If you work on your relationship, it will work.
Do you realise that if you point your finger at your lover the other three point at you? This means you must always put the focus on yourself.
A relationship is such that if one committed partner makes positive and significant changes, the relationship gets better because your partner simply responds to what you do. Therefore, see what you can do differently and better to make your relationship better.
If you adopt a blame game and see your lover as your problem and solution, nothing gets better.
See your lover and relationship as good. Focus on the good things in your relationship and accept that you can never have a relationship without conflicts.
Use your conflicts as opportunity to restore your relationship. Forgive unconditionally because love and hatred cannot stay in the same heart.
Be good friends and make quality time for your relationship. Make mutual decisions and share all areas of your lives. Speak the language of love; speak words of motivation, encouragement and hope.
Do acts of service. Hug, hold hand and kiss often because physical touch promotes bonding.
Exchange gifts often because they are signs of love and goodwill. They dispel hurts and make lovers feel valued, appreciated and loved.
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Know your partner very well and do more of what work and a less of what does not work in your relationship. Be lovable and become all things to your lover. Above all, commit yourself to your relationship by resolving to do all it takes for your relationship to work.
In this festive season, we remember Jesus Christ who was born into the world and gave His life so that mankind can be forgiven and restored through faith in Him. Use this festive occasion to move away from the Korle Lagoon relationship.
Commit to restoring your relationship. Make it different and better. May the unconditional love of Christ rule your relationship to give you peace and harmony.
Email jydboakye01@gmail.com. The writer is the director of Eudoo counselling centre, West Legon. We offer among others, ten-ween programme for partners preparing to marry.
Mob. 0208181861
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