Do you worry about your marriage?
Marriage is the greatest gift of our maker. It is an ideal place for companionship, support, sex, parenting and spiritual development.
No doubt Martin Luther describes marriage as the closest thing on earth. However, issues such as differences in temperament, sexuality, background and external factors like in-laws, friends, work, stages of marriage and decaying society have put many marriages at risk and today many worry about what holds in the future for their marriages. To worry is to feel anxious or troubled about an actual or potential problem.
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Why some worry
Marriage psychologists have identified many reasons why couples worry about their marriage. These include; first the genetic or biological factor. Some naturally worry about almost every issue in life.
Second is the nurture factor. Studies show people from divorced homes are 70 per cent more likely to have worry disorder characterised by exaggerated worry and tension. Studies also show overprotective parents tend to raise children who worry when they grow and marry. There is also the early environment factor. Children who are abused, traumatised or neglected tend to worry more when they marry.
Generally, people worry because they think something will happen or could happen so they activate a ‘hypersensitive vigilant’ strategy that ‘if I worry I can prevent this thing from happening’ or if you don’t worry, things may get out of hand. Fact is, if you imagine something bad happening you feel it is your responsibility to worry about it. Interestingly, studies show ‘worriers’ tend to worry about things they can handle them. In fact, ‘worriers’ are good at handling problems. They just worry for nothing!
The danger
Worry affects you physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. You may have irritable bowl syndrome, nausea, fatigue and pain. Studies show 93 per cent of people with worry disorder have psychiatric disorders such as depression. Worry is a big interference in every good performance in life.
Overcoming worry
Identify what you worry about and see what you can do differently and better to solve your problem. You may find out that your issue is not as bad as you may think. If you can’t help it, embrace and cope with it. Make yourself comfortable by doing things you enjoy doing.
Use your emotions; don’t suppress them because the emotional part of the brain, the amygdala, is suppressed if you worry. It is therefore helpful to express your worry by shouting, crying out, talking about it and even to yourself to get to the root of your problem. It is also known that avoiding urgency and repeating every word several times will make the issue boring and therefore go away.
Do you worry about your marriage?
The bible has over 50 verses to warn us against worry and give us peace. Therefore do not worry about what you will eat or drink…(Matt. 6:25). Because which of you by worrying can add a single hair to your life.
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Do not let your heart be troubled (John 14;24) and do not be anxious about anything..( Philippians 4;6-7). Instead cast all your anxieties upon Him because He cares (1 Peter 5;6-8) and let the peace of Christ rule in your heart(Colossians 3;15).
God promises us hope and a future. Therefore live your marriage free of worry by meditating on His word and living your marriage His way.
George Burns, American actor and humorist, said the single most important key to longevity is to avoid worry. And he lived to be 100 because he followed his own advice. It is natural to worry when marriage is so uncertain, so filled with problems and many needs. Again, sometimes, worry is a good thing when there is something to worry about like finding an ‘intruder’ in your marriage. But ‘don’t worry, be happy’.
Also, follow the Chinese wise saying: Don’t worry; if food comes, open your mouth and if sleep comes close your eyes! We can’t avoid suffering because Jesus warns that in this world, we will have tribulation ( John 16;33) but through Christ, we can find peace and power to live a victorious marriage life. When marriage seems too much to bear, that is when we throw ourselves on God’s mercy and He holds on to us — Anne Cetas.