‘To love is to die’

Love is indeed strange. It is like electricity; we see it at work but don’t know exactly what it is even when it is the commonest word in the Bible and in the over 6500 languages of the world. Our understanding of love, therefore, depends on our faith, culture and life experiences.

The Greek language for example, in attempt to embrace all that is perceived as love, has broken love into many feelings such as ‘philia’ (affectionate or friendship love), ‘storge’, (family love)  ‘ero’ (passion love)  and ‘agape’ (genuine or unconditional  love) but one thing is certain; your understanding of love is an important determinant to the health of your marriage and family life. You have to know the true meaning of love to have a fulfilling marriage and family.

‘Odo ye wu’

The Akans, believed to be descendants of Jews, sum love up in simple sentence; ‘odo ye wu’ or to love is to die.  To die in this context is derived from a Jewish word and tradition which means to give hope and strength to someone, especially in times of great need without expecting a reward.

True love is essentially a gift of self. It is about sacrifice, service and suffering you go through to put the needs of others above yours to make him or her better.

How to grow true love

Be positive in attitude: Your mind is the most important weapon you have. You must, therefore, develop a positive mental attitude about your marriage and family. If you see it as good, good things happen. Create an aura of success around your marriage and put the focus on yourself. 

Studies show it takes one committed partner to make a marriage work because your spouse merely responds to your actions and words in similar ways. Bend over and be everything to your spouse. Resolve to be a burden bearer and not the burden.

Stay committed to your relationship, marriage and family: Studies show partners in committed marriages have greater life satisfaction. The greater your commitment, the greater your well-being and happiness.  Therefore, refuse to give up. Give yourself another chance even when you face challenges. Share all areas of your life including your vision, time and finances.

Be humble: ‘Ahobrase,’ the Akan word for humility means to lower yourself to the level of your spouse and family members you may see as inferior. Make yourself nothing so that you can give strength to your spouse and family members. Mother Theresa says humility is the mother of all virtues.

Be patient: Let go the urge to rush your lover when things do not go as you want. Instead, give your lover space and encourage him or her to grow his or her personal feelings, hopes and aspirations at his or her own space. Appreciate also that a relationship is like wine; it matures at its own time. You may be impatient in waiting but as, the Akans put it, patience brings victory.

Forgive unconditionally: It is impossible to have a marriage without conflicts because angels do not marry. It appears God made conflicts part of the Christian experience. In marriage, we behave like porcupines; we want to get close to our lovers but in doing so, we hurt and you need to forgive each time, each day. 

Today, studies show most of our common diseases including stroke, diabetes, high blood pressure and even cancer may be caused by unforgiving spirit. Always remember that if you don’t forgive, your Father in heaven will not forgive you.

Some models of true love

Rev. Andrew Campbell, SVD, and expatriate has spent almost his entire life as a priest in Ghana and as a priest, he has taken a vow of obedience, chastity and poverty. He devotes his life to care for the poor, aged and  sick, especially lepers. His self-sacrificing life has touched the hearts of many and brought hope and love to the forgotten.

In Ghanaian history, we read of a great Ashanti king Tweneboah Kodua who voluntarily offered himself to be sacrificed to bring stability to the Ashanti kingdom. It is also known that only one of the 12 apostles of Jesus, John, died on a remote island of Patmos. The rest were murdered in painful ways; some were struck with spears, some fried alive in oil, some were skinned alive and beheaded, one was tied on the cross to die, one was hit on the head with a club, Peter was crucified upside down — all for their love for Christ.

For Christians, Jesus is our greatest model of true love. He was humble and did not sin. He loved humanity unconditionally but was betrayed, stoned, jeered, mocked, spat upon and crucified on the cross to bring salvation to mankind. For showing His love through dying on the cross, His name will forever be above all names. 

Let Jesus be your model of true love. If you have to suffer each day to make your lover, spouse and family better, do not change a thing because through it, God will make you strong, steadfast and complete. Therefore, see it as pure joy as you suffer to make your spouse and family better. Through it, you will find true love, one that goes through human understanding. 

Always remember that ‘odo ye wu’ or to love is to die for others by the sacrifices you make as you put the needs of others above you.  Each day, die to show your love.