Recently, a woman travelled from the north to Accra and stormed the home of her son. It was obvious to the young wife that her in-law was not in for a friendly visit because the old lady turned down all protocols like drinking water.
When the husband returned from work, the message the mother gave was simple; she wanted the wife out of the house because she believed the wife was the reason her son was neglecting her. The young wife wept.
As she tried to explain that she spends more money on the home and sometimes had to rely on her parents for help, the husband looked on, confused and perhaps wondered which side to support.
Your mother
You carry her genes, and therefore, she is the reason you came into this world. She carried you in her womb for nine months.
As a child, you were the most hopeless living thing, but she nurtured you and made great sacrifices to get you where you are.
She is the only mother you will ever have. It is now your time to pay back for all she has done for you.
Your wife
When you marry, you become one flesh with your wife. She is your sexual partner and the mother of your children.
She is your helpmate who contributes to the upkeep of your home. She is the woman behind your success
Your marriage makes you emotionally and physically healthier. It gives you an improved immune system and therefore lowers the risk of diseases. You are likely to live longer.
Your marriage gives you the opportunity to be more productive and richer. You have more wealth and are less likely to have psychiatric disorders than the unmarried.
Your marriage gives you a social status because in Ghana, single adults do not earn much respect.
The challenge
Your mother gave birth to you and you bond with her for life. You belong to your extended family for life, and by our tradition, your wife is not part of your family, but one who gives you children.
A mother sees her son as a ‘little husband’ and has the tendency to build strong ties with him.
She sees her son as an intimate part of her. The lives of many women revolve around their sons.
If she is widowed or in a bad marriage, she transfers her emotional bond to the son. Any woman trying to break the bond is seen as an enemy.
In Akan, many wives describe their mother-in-laws as ‘asew korafo’ or one who doubles as mother and rival. Many women confess that when their sons marry, they weep in private or get depressed.
When you marry, you become one flesh with your spouse. You belong to each other for life because marriage is meant to be indissoluble.
A man, therefore, belongs to two places at the same time. A tug of war goes on between your mother and wife for life, and drawing a balance becomes a big challenge, but this is what builds your marriage.
Who do you vote for?
Your marriage belongs to God. In His good plan for your marriage, He mandates you to leave your home, cleave to your spouse and become one flesh with her.
Your wife must come ahead of everybody – mother, children, relatives and friends.
If you have to vote, divine order mandates you to give it to your wife. If you vote for your wife, you vote for yourself because you are one flesh with her.
Let your father vote for his wife. If you vote for your mother, it will be double voting on a duplicate voting sheet. You lose both your wife and your mother’s vote.
On the other hand, if you vote for your wife, you will be blessed because you do what God wants you to do, and your blessing will spill over to your wife, mother, relatives and humanity. Each day, no matter the circumstances, vote for your wife.
Email: jydboakye@yahoo.com.
The writer is the Director of Eudoo Counselling Centre, West Legon. He is also the author of ‘Your guide to Marriage’ ‘Love Unlimited’ and ‘The journey of love’
