Mother’s Day: Unspoken mental health realities of motherhood

Other’s Day is widely celebrated as a joyous occasion, yet for some women, it carries a mix of gratitude, longing, pain and reflection; those facing infertility, parenting children with disabilities, raising children who are not biologically theirs, yet remain unappreciated, or those who have had to give their children away.

As I reflect on my own journey, my heart fills with gratitude.

For nearly nine years, I lived with uncertainty, wondering if I would ever hold a child of my own.

Yet, instead of despair, I turned to prayer, asking God to bless me with a child.

My yearning was shaped by personal desire and the stories I witnessed.

Women in my family and community raised “pikin na borrows” children from their husbands’ escapades, family members, friends and even strangers, offering love, care and protection. Many sacrificed their comfort, career aspirations and well-being, only to face abandonment or wrongful accusations of malice or witchcraft.

Remembering this deepened my prayer: “Lord, bless me with a child of my own.”

Through my experience with infertility and caring for children who were not biologically mine, I recognise the profound psychological toll these journeys impose.

The unseen battle

Infertility is more than a medical condition; it is a deeply emotional and psychological battle shaped by societal pressure, medical treatments, and quiet heartbreak, especially for the woman.

It affects not only her mental, emotional and spiritual well-being but also her physical body.

The invisible weight of unfulfilled longing, hope, disappointment and relentless societal scrutiny can erode mental and spiritual resilience.

unacknowledged, unappreciated

Motherhood extends beyond biology.

Grandmothers, foster parents, guardians and stepmothers have sacrificed careers, ambitions and personal comfort to raise children who were not biologically theirs, often without acknowledgement.

I was raised by my grandmother from infancy into adulthood.

As I grew older and became a parent, I gained a deeper appreciation for her struggles and sacrifices.

I often wonder:

"What if I had abandoned her?

What if I had falsely branded her a witch?" Tragically, many caregivers endure this fate, cast aside by the very children they nurtured.

Their wounds, anger, anxiety, grief and feelings of unworthiness run deep.

The sting of ingratitude serves as a painful reminder that motherhood does not always receive love in return.

Losing a child

By chance, choice, or circumstance, some women have entrusted their children to others or lost them through death.

The bond formed during pregnancy and labour may be their only connection.

Many struggles with grief, guilt, social stigma and attachment wounds often never receiving recognition as mothers.

Mothers of differently abled children

Parenting a child with disabilities comes with unique emotional challenges, social isolation, chronic stress, prolonged grief and exhaustion. For some of these mothers, special occasions may pass unnoticed by their children, who may have little or no awareness of the occasion of their tireless sacrifices.

Many of these mothers may not experience the traditional expressions of gratitude, yet their sacrifices remain immeasurable.

Coping strategies

For women facing infertility

 •Seek emotional support: Confide in trusted friends, Counsellors or support groups.

•Practice self-compassion: Allow yourself to process grief without guilt.

• Explore alternative paths to motherhood: Adoption, foster care and mentorship offer fulfilment.

• Redefine motherhood: Love extends beyond biological ties.

• Engage in meaningful rituals: Prayer, journalling, and meditation foster resilience.

• Hold onto hope: If motherhood is your desire, keep faith while seeking medical care.

For unacknowledged mothers

• Trust that love is never wasted: Kindness returns, often in unexpected ways.

• Find alternative sources of joy: Cultivate friendships, hobbies and passions beyond caregiving.

• Reframe your perspective: Focus on love given rather than love lost.

• Practice self-compassion: Release self-judgement and embrace forgiveness.

• Let go of bitterness: Resentment closes doors; releasing it opens new paths.

• Channel emotions into creative expression: Writing, painting, or music offer therapeutic outlets.

• Self-care rituals: Nature walks, meditation, or creative hobbies restore emotional balance.

For mothers who had to give their children away

• Heal personal regrets: Seek counselling or spiritual guidance for peace.

• Extend compassion to yourself: Life’s circumstances often necessitate difficult choices.

• Strengthen your role: If possible, reconnect with your child while honouring their upbringing.

• Rebuild bonds patiently: Allow love to grow at its own pace.

• Foster gratitude, not resentment: Guide children to honour those who raised them.

For mothers of differently abled children

• Seek professional help: Counselling and support services can ease emotional stress.

• Celebrate small wins: Every achievement is meaningful. Celebrate it.

• Practice gratitude and self-care: Let your child see you happy and thriving; it fosters hope for both of you.

• Connect with support networks: Other parents, groups and communities offer validation and practical advice.

Honouring motherhood Mother’s Day is a call to reflect on unseen sacrifices.

If you have abandoned a guardian, a biological mother, stepmother or guardian, ask yourself: "Did she choose love when she could have harmed me?"

Neglecting a caregiver, out of misunderstanding or misplaced perceptions, is inhumane.

Honour the women who carried you, guided you and nurtured you.

Reflections

Motherhood is not limited to those who have given birth. It encompasses unseen sacrifices:

•Those who have been unacknowledged, unappreciated or abandoned.

• Those who have raised children not biologically theirs without recognition.

• Those still waiting for a child, trusting that their journey holds purpose.

• Those who, by choice or circumstance, had to give their children away.

Let us not take for granted any role of motherhood.

A simple call, a heartfelt message or a prayer offered in faith rather than pity can make a profound difference.

This Mother’s Day, let us celebrate all who embody motherhood, including the men who have stepped into maternal roles with love and excellence.

May we extend gratitude, healing and honour, especially to the mothers whose love remains unseen, unacknowledged and unappreciated.

The writer is a Counselling Psychologist