The Terrific Twos

Two-year-olds can be interesting when they actually begin to say ‘no’ to their parents.

As they develop a sense of independence and autonomy, it is usually common to hear them saying ‘no’ and following it up with behaviour that is opposite to what they are being instructed to do.

Some can throw temper tantrums and have meltdowns that find them wallowing on the ground in defiance.

While this ‘no’ phase is part of their normal development as they learn to assert themselves, it is important to understand this behaviour in order to navigate this phase in a balanced way.

Parents should be found neither abusing the child nor glossing over the behaviour too on the other hand.

Most toddlers say ‘no’ without much understanding. It may just be their way of expressing their frustration or expressing their desire to continue an activity they may be involved in.

Whilst some mothers find this behaviour cute and funny, and may respond by being permissive, others find it mischievous and disruptive.

These children do not have the language skills to get their needs met easily.

When they discover that being oppositional sometimes makes them have their way, they begin to push the boundaries.

By this, they learn their parents’ reaction to understand their own limits.

This is why parents who find that behaviour funny and laugh over it may be setting the foundation for power struggles as they grow older.

Sometimes hearing them say ‘no’ frequently may indicate either the child’s strong-willed nature or that there may genuinely be a disconnect between the child and the caregiver.

Parents who are emotionally attuned exude a kind of love and connectedness which erodes the child’s use of the word frequently.

Such toddlers will not find the need to assert themselves all the time. 

Two

The challenging nature of this behaviour earns these two-year-olds the mischievous label, the ‘terrible twos’.

Knowing how to navigate around them, however, we discover that they are actually the ‘terrific twos’.

These toddlers should have a routine that ensures they get enough sleep, mostly well-rested and well-nourished too.

It is important that adults around them keep calm no matter how upset they may feel by the ‘no’ pushback. 

One can be firm without necessarily being angry or upset.

Parents who find themselves yelling all the time may be losing this power struggle because, over time, yelling will lose its meaning and fail to grab the child’s needed attention.

Child-proofing

Child-proofing the home or classroom also helps by saving parents and caregivers the number of times they may need to say ‘no’ or stop them in their tracks.

Toddlers behave better when they hear these words said to them less frequently too. 

Caps should be placed on unused electrical plugs and dangerous chemicals and medicines should be kept out of their reach at all times.

Breakables should be kept away from their prying eyes and hands.

Attention should be redirected to a different activity or alternative, where ‘no’ is unacceptable.

While it is recommended that toddlers should be allowed age-appropriate choices, these choices should be limited. 

Parents and caregivers must ensure that they do not cave in to this pressure from their two-year-olds to have their way.

Otherwise, they will be sending the message that ‘misbehaviour’ is acceptable.

At all times, adults should maintain their composure and strive to be bigger, stronger and kinder.

Parents and caregivers should not take this phase of development as a challenge at all.

However, if ‘no’ is accompanied by other toxic behaviours such as aggression, it is important to seek professional assistance.