Good & Healthy Relationship Advice & Tips

Yesterday, it was the norm for a person to be in a relationship with just another person of the opposite sex. However, today, in our sexual explosion, it has become acceptable and fashionable for many to be in a relationship with more than one lover at the same time.

Singles, married, men and women are doing it.  In Ghana, some call a multiple relationship ‘double game’.

Can you be in love with more than one person?

A common question that comes up in many of my talks is; can one be in love with more than one person? Well, love is about attraction and affection. Above all, it is a verb – doing something to make another better holistically. 

This means you can love more than one person at the same time. Each has something unique that draws you to him or her. Each makes you happy in different ways. 

It is however a fact that it is extremely difficult to love more than one person at the same time. You  simply cannot have the resources for it.

Why ‘double game’?

Men are born competitive. Pursuing a woman and capturing her brings emotional fulfilment. A man may therefore be in a ‘double game’ not because he loves them but just keeping many women builds his ego. 

To some, variety is the spice of life and you cannot eat ‘abenkwan’ or palm nut soup all the time.

In the past, it was unthinkable for a woman to be in a ‘double  game’. Today they feel liberated and boast that if men do it they can also do it and better. 

Many women get into ‘double game’ for economic reasons. A woman has many needs but the economy is biting. Many men will help out- one pays rent, another utilities and other personal needs. An extra young man may do only the warming.

Many are in ‘double game’ to keep their options in future marriage open. If one lets you down, the other is available. For a man in a relationship, finding a woman who has something his woman does not have may  add her to his list.

In general, people get into ‘double game’ when their emotional needs are not met but for economic, social, or religious reasons cannot leave the relationship. 

A man needs respect, sex, an attractive lover and domestic care. A woman needs affection, companionship, commitment and financial support. If these needs are missing, a lover may be tempted to play a ‘double game’

Cases coming to me of late indicate that more and more people are playing ‘double game ‘in the ‘18’ or close to their lovers, apparently using familiarity as a cover-up. There are cases of men in relationships with relatives, colleagues and friends of their lovers. 

If you are a very busy person who can’t make time for your lover, chances are your house help, driver, colleagues or friends are ‘servicing’ him or her for you because ‘body no be firewood’.

Early this year a 22-year-old girl in a relationship with a 39-year-old man felt a strange intuition and made a surprise visit to his boyfriend. He was in bed with a-42 year-old woman and the biological mother of this young girl. News came around later that this had gone on for two years. Surely with mobile phones and a decaying society, ‘double game’ has gone ‘hi tech’.

The danger

‘Double game ‘breaks your trust and commitment. You think everyone is cheating. Sexual guilt keeps haunting you and clouding your mind to the beauty of love. 

You lie and have to lie to cover up lies. You have to keep track of names, places and what you do. No matter how hard you try, it will soon blow up in your face when you least expect it. 

If you cannot keep to one person now it will be hard to do so in future. In your attempt to save the future you become a victim and never a victor

‘Double game’ is a major cause of sexually transmitted diseases. A woman who gets pregnant has anxious moments of what to do. Some abort and in some cases an unfortunate man has to care for somebody’s biological child.

Jealousy is a problem in double game. A woman who finds her man cheating loses her self-esteem and questions why she is not adequate enough. 

A man who finds his woman cheating may react violently. There are many cases  where men attack and even murder their rivals.

Your option

Make every effort to keep one lover at a time. You will never find a perfect partner but ‘double game’ will crush your integrity, honesty and loyalty which are the pillars of a happy marriage. 

This means in double game, you are not being fair to yourself and your lovers. Always remember that there is nothing more fulfilling in life than to have one person for yourself and to yourself. Anything more than one is no longer love but company. 

Each time, let your motto be ‘one man one seat’.

Email jydboakye@yahoo.com. The writer is the Director of Eudoo  Counselling Centre,West Legon. He is also the author of ‘your guide to marriage’, love unlimited’ and ‘your journey of love’.Mob 0208181861.