Good & Healthy Relationship Advice & Tips
When your parents are wrong (Part 2)
Parents are not always right. Objections based on racism, classism, religious bias or homophobia are not acceptable. While your parents may have the best of intentions with these types of objections, you need to hold your ground and not give in to their bigotry.
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Your parents are likely objecting because they fear for you. They are probably worried about how the world will react to your relationship. Being in an unconventional relationship can be difficult. The world can be a cruel place. Your parents are probably worried about seeing you struggle. Their reaction is wrong but it is based on their love for you and their desire to see you get the best out of life.
Sometimes parents cling to outdated social attitudes. They hold on to ideas that are not shared by your generation. If this is the case, if your parents are trying to get you to conform to their biases, you need to stand your ground. You need to tell them that in this situation you will never see things their way. Suggest that in this case you should agree to disagree. They probably won’t like this but they don’t have to. Objections based on bigotry are wrong even when they come from your parents.
When Your Parents Are Right
When you are in love you may be blind to your partner’s flaws. Your parents aren’t so easily fooled. They can often see things in your relationship that you are unwilling or unable to see. They love you and want what is best for you and seeing you in a bad relationship is hard. Of course they will disapprove!
When your parents see something in your relationship that they don’t like, you need to listen to what they have to say. You may not agree with them after you hear their point of view but it is important that you hear them out.
If your parents have heard bad things about your partner, if they have seen behaviours they don’t like or if they are worried that you are being hurt, they are going to object to your relationship. You need to try to listen to them without getting defensive. They may be right.
If you have started doing harmful things because of your partner, like alcohol or drugs, your parents have a valid concern. Your parents have a right to speak up if your grades are dropping, if you’re losing friends or if you have stopped doing the things you used to love to do. Listen to them. It is not healthy for any relationship to consume your life. Your parents may be able to see that this is happening when you can not.
Finding Peace
Love can feel very good. It can change you in some very positive ways. If your love has a positive influence in your life it is worth holding on, to even if your parents object.
When love gets shady, you need to rethink the relationship. You should never lose your life, when you fall in love. Friends, family, hobbies and school are all still important. Being in love should not mean you give these things up. If your love is making you lose yourself, it's time for a change.
Your parents only want to see you happy. They don’t want to see you struggling or making decisions that will complicate your life. Understand that they have your best interests at heart and keep the lines of communication open. Be honest with them about how you feel. They may never like your partner but they can come to accept your relationship.
