Good & Healthy Relationship Advice & Tips

When we face challenges or failures in our marriages or relationships, we find it convenient to blame others – friends, relatives, work ,in-laws, house helps, occults, God and those who are closest to us, our lovers.

Fact, however, is that even though we may have many enemies, our common foe is ourselves. In nine out of 10 cases, you are the biggest single obstacle standing in the way of your progress in life, including your relationship. 

You take yourself into your relationship. No matter how good or bad your lover is, you determine the health of your relationship because your lover merely responds to what you do. 

Your godly acts build your relationship; your ungodly acts destroy it. You are, therefore, your own best friend or enemy. Your worst enemy is within you or precisely you.

Your mind as a computer

Your mind is the most powerful weapon to your failure or success in your relationship. Each day and each you time to talk to yourself. This internal conversation has a tremendous impact on how you feel or behave. 

Your mind is the computer and what you put in it is your software. You print out whatever you put in your mind.

 Unfortunately, human nature is negatively biased. Most of our internal monologue consists of negative emotions. Whatever happens in our minds become a reality. 

You respond to stressful situations in ways that hit you. Your negative thoughts, therefore, make you your own worst enemy.

Some negative thoughts Denial.  

You refuse to discuss problems or refuse to acknowledge that problems exist in your relationship.  It leads to mistrust, suspension, tension and anxiety.

 A man may take to substance abuse and a woman may overeat to kill her pain. Tension may lead to mental and physical harm.

Fear. A lover living in fear finds it hard to concentrate. You lose your motivation, commitment and trust in your relationship. This spills over to harm everything in your life.

Fear is a silent killer to anything you pursue in life, including your relationship.

Bitterness. It grows up as you nurture hurt by justifying yourself and accusing your lover. It haunts you and predisposes you to many mental and physical problems. 

You become a victim no matter how innocent you are and how badly your lover treats you. You put yourself in your own prison as long as you focus on your hurt. You never see the beauty of love.

Selfishness. You focus only on your needs even when it comes at great cost to your lover. You want your needs met at your own time and in your own way and may be tempted to control your lover. 

 You make your lover a scapegoat when your demands are not met. Your lover loses his or her self-esteem and may be depressed.

Unrealistic expectation.  Nothing in life is constant. Every relationship, therefore, has its moments of challenges but you expect to be happy, otherwise your lover is not good enough for you.

Many leave relationships with frivolous reasons while many leave when they have the last hurdle to cross.

You are your own worst enemy

Your mind drives your body. It is the way you think that determines your relationship. Your relationship is, therefore, a reflection of your thoughts. You decide what happens to your relationship. 

If your relationship is not going well, you have no one to blame but yourself. You are your own worst enemy.

Always remember that your relationship is first and foremost about you versus you. You cause most of the problems in your relationship with your negative thoughts and sit in the way of your relationship. 

If you want to succeed and find fulfillment in your relationship, use positive emotions such as honesty, commitment, forgiveness and prayer to overcome your own worst enemy, YOU. 

• jydboakye02@yahoo.scom. The writer is the Director of Eudoo Counseling Centre, West Legon. He is also the author of ‘Your Guide to Marriage, Love Unlimited and the Journey of Love

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