Here are traits you have low self-esteem

When your self-esteem is high, you may feel confident and ready to take on the world. But continued low self-esteem can affect your relationships, sense of self-worth, how you express yourself, and how you navigate life.

By definition, self-esteem is essentially how you think and feel about yourself at the conscious and unconscious levels.

From a psychological standpoint, Dr. Jan Roberts, LCSW, says that low self-esteem typically reflects those hidden thoughts and beliefs you might have about yourself.

You can have low self-confidence for many reasons, like:

expectations from parents and caregivers as a child

peer pressure from friends or loved ones

relationships, including breakups or divorce

unresolved trauma

loneliness

internalized shame

certain mental health conditions

brain functioning and development

other societal and cultural messages

“We tend to hold on to negative experiences, memories, thoughts, and words that people say. Those messages become embedded into our thinking patterns and create a filter of how we see everything,” Roberts explains.

“Our perceptions eventually create our reality. If we have negative thought processes, we will see things — including ourselves — negatively. Therefore, poor self-esteem becomes the result of our own poor view of ourselves and capabilities,” she says.

Do most people have low self-esteem? Not exactly.

Many people might feel self-conscious or have bouts of low self-confidence now and then. But “having a low self-esteem is not a natural state of being,” says Roberts.

If those negative feelings last for an extended period of time, you may need to work on boosting your self-esteem.

Examples of low self-esteem

What are the signs of low self-esteem? Here are some examples:

You’re a people-pleaser

You may try to please people instead of being your authentic self and pursuing what brings you joy and pleasure.

Licensed therapist Cheryl A. Clarke, LMFT, says folks with low self-esteem also have a tendency to be passive or passive-aggressive instead of standing up for themselves.

You feel needy or unworthy

Maybe you feel like you don’t deserve love, praise, or a raise at work. This is directly related to how much you value yourself and your abilities.

“A lack of inner worth is driven by a set of beliefs that they’re no good, feeling of insignificance, or believe they have nothing of value,” says Clarke.

“Since most people with low self-esteem seek things (careers, relationships, success, power, etc.) outside of themselves to make them feel more worthy, it’s important to remember that self-esteem is an inside job and directly correlated with joy,” says Roberts.

You struggle to build healthy relationships

The stronger your self-worth, the healthier your relationships tend to be. “If you struggle with low self-esteem, it can threaten your overall relationships,” says Clarke.

You might face challenges with intimacy, trusting partners, and establishing strong personal boundaries, Clarke notes. And according to Roberts, you’re more like to stay in a one-sided, abusive, or codependent relationship, as well.

You have a poor self-image

Do you call yourself “fat” or “ugly” and judge how you look when standing in front of a mirror? If so, it’s likely you think poorly of yourself and your appearance due to negative self-image.

Rejecting compliments is another example of negative self-esteem. You could just be humble, but frequently rejecting forms of flattery instead of saying “thank you” can mean you don’t believe those things are true.

You experience negative self-talk

“I’m a loser.” “I don’t deserve to be happy.” “Why did I say that? I’m so stupid.”

There are all common examples of negative self-talk that can result from low confidence.

If you regularly insult yourself — either internally or in conversation with others — you likely have low self-esteem. Being unforgiving or harsh on yourself when making mistakes can be a sign, too.

You compare yourself to others

We all tend to play the comparison game. Comparing yourself to others can help you achieve your goals or inspire you to become better in the workplace.

 But if this becomes a frequent habit and starts to negatively impact your mental health, it may be a sign that you need to work on your confidence.

You experience self-doubt

Second-guessing ourselves is natural. After all, we’re only human.

But if you’re often untrusting of your own judgment or constantly seeking the opinions of others, this may be related to your self-esteem.

Clarke says this can also show up as you feeling like you’ll always make mistakes and letting fear drive your life instead of feeling confident facing challenges.

You avoid self-expression

Maybe you avoid expressing yourself out of shame, embarrassment, or fears of judgment. This habit of “playing small” could also be due to a lack of confidence.

“When someone is not self-expressed, they always feel they don’t fit in and find themselves conforming,” Clarke adds. Essentially, you hide yourself or blend in with others as a coping mechanism for feeling insecure.