A penny for my thoughts

Too many things have competed for my worry this week.

From an article I read, to my experience at the clinic, to my pal whom I met in town … so many things

I’ll try and tell you bits of each with the little time I have.

On Tuesday, I got hold of a magazine, one of whose articles talked about a culture in Namibia where men served out their wives as guests to their male visitors.

I still cannot bring myself into thinking of how out of love and excellent hospitality, any husband would donate his wife for the night, to a guest.

And the donor is required to sleep in another apartment altogether, or if there’s no such apartment, sleep outside whilst his guest enjoys his wife.

“Okujepisa Omukazendu” is what this practice is called.

It literally translates as offering wife to a guest. This practice is common in the Ovahimba and Ovazimba tribes in Namibia.

What a culture! I can’t think far.

The wives who are offered have no say but to obey their husbands.

From the literature, I understood that some of the wives could sleep in the same room with their guest, but choose not to sleep with the man.

Oh dear!

The women could also give out their female friends out to their husbands when they come to visit.

All as a sign of great hospitality. Nsem wo world! Eigh, if a certain guest likes his host’s wife, or her performance, then he will visit very often, won’t he? Asem ben ni?

A few people, from the article, had expressed disgust at the cultural practice, and were calling for its abolishing.

But interestingly, the tribes involved, both males and females, are rather pushing for its continuity because according to them, it promotes unity and reduces promiscuity.

Hm.

Then I went to the clinic for antenatal care on Wednesday morning to hear a ghastly admonishing from a co-patient.

I had met her a couple of times at the clinic and had struck an acquaintance with her.

She mentioned how dark I’d become, and suggested that I applied some creams whose names she mentioned, to in her words, “tone you a bit before delivery, to make you more attractive”.

More attractive? Who am I attracting apart from Obodai? Bleaching during pregnancy? Eigh, some women are daring.

Even when I was not pregnant, I didn’t condone to skin bleaching.

Why would I want to do that at this moment in time when I need to do everything I can to make my baby’s development complete and safe? Why?

Ei, even using certain cleaning agents at the moment give me reactions on my skin.

What then would be my fate if I should use harsh creams or swallow harsh tablets in the name of bleaching my skin or that of my baby’s?

Presently, some fragrances even cause me irritation, so how would I even dare use harsher chemicals.

I know for a fact that some bleaching creams contain hydroquinone.

Common side effects of hydroquinone include skin irritation, edema, black and blue skin discoloration, and crusting of the skin.

Lighter skin may be a beauty choice, but not during pregnancy. There are too many risks outweighing the rewards associated with hydroquinone in pregnant women.

Skin darkening during pregnancy is very normal.

It’s called Melasma or pregnancy mask.

It’s true, I have grown darker, my nose has enlarged and flattened out some more, my lips have become very turgid. The central line running from my belly button to my pelvic region has equally darkened. But is all that not part of what comes with bringing another life into this

As if to add insult to injury, this woman even suggested that I take certain pills to make my baby light-skinned.

I felt like reporting her to our doctor, because she confessed to me that she had already started taking the pills. I almost yelled.

Why would anyone want to turn a dark baby into a white or light-skinned one? If God wanted me to give birth to a half-caste, He, in His wisdom, would have blessed me with a half-caste or white Obodai.

So why should I enforce a skin-colour which my child hasn’t been ordained for? Do my fellow pregnant women know the implications of all these at all?

I had to put my acquaintance right, there and then. And I did! I want to believe my persuasive chat with her would turn her mentality around for good.

The third thing that is competing for my worries is how women are able spread out their activities all over the place just to achieve a mission.

Let me make this assertion clear.

I met a friend this morning. She was on her way from Mamprobi.

I was surprised to see her at this side of town because she lives at Tema.

Her reason for being at Mamprobi was to bring some fabric to her dressmaker to make some fashionable clothes for her.

All the way from Tema. “Cecilia, you mean you couldn’t get anyone to make clothes for you in Tema?” I asked.

“Ablah paa, you don’t understand.

This woman makes me feel good in my clothes.

She knows how to cut and shape the styles I choose to accommodate my large bust, bulging stomach and protruding waste.

Eigh, Ablah, if you want to look good you have to sacrifice distances for a good gain”.

According to Cecilia, even when she wants to fix her natural hair, she washes and blow-dries it at a hair salon at Adenta, then travel to North Kaneshie to get it braided by the specialist whose braids she loves.

Women! I was so shocked, my mouth was wide-opened.
Ei, the lengths we can go.

How can anyone live at Tema, sew her clothes at Mamprobi, wash and dry their hair at Adenta, and braid it at North Kaneshie? Ridiculous!

Anyway, looks like I’m just worried about nothing really. Let me just leave you to enjoy your weekend. Let’s connect next week.