Discipline versus punishment
For many people, the words- discipline and punishment- are synonymous and suggest spanking.
Therefore, they are used interchangeably.
Discipline, however, does not mean punishment and punishment does not necessarily imply caning.
To discipline a child involves actions we take to teach, train, guide or correct missteps to help the child to learn from their mistakes or improve their behaviour.
Though punishment can be a type of disciplinary measure, most of the time, the intention is to cause harm, suffering or humiliation.
When punishment alone is used as a disciplinary measure over time (including beating or corporal punishment), negative outcomes can arise.
The focus of nurturing should be on growth and better development. And that is what discipline is mainly about.
Therefore, discipline, if instilled the right way can result in increased self-esteem and emotional regulation.
There is also increased self-awareness which is the first step towards developing emotional intelligence.
Punishment usually arises from feelings of retribution and revenge which can result in the inflicting of pain, discomfort or suffering as a consequence of misbehaviour.
Constantly punishing a child by way of spanking, yelling or humiliation can lead to fear, shame or resentment.
Disciplining or training children involves establishing rules and their consequences clearly. Focusing on behaviour and avoiding personal attacks on the child makes the disciplinary effort effective.
Good behaviour must be encouraged using praise, rewards and incentives. It is important to find ways and means to help children develop critical thinking and problem-solving skills when their behaviour falls below expectations.
The misuse of certain punishments is a real problem.
Punishments are, however, necessary in cases of severe misbehaviour to maintain safety and order. Such misbehaviour includes physical aggression and deliberate harm. To reinforce established boundaries and consequences after several failed attempts to get the child to comply, punishments can serve the purpose.
To make punishment effective, there must be clear communication about the reasons for the punishment, expected behaviour and future consequences.
Adults who lay out rules must build credibility and trust by consistently following through with the consequences already spelt out.
A good judgment must be exercised in determining whether the punishment is reasonable and proportionate to the misbehaviour.
Because the goal is to guide the child towards acceptable behaviour, punishments that are meted out should seek to do just that and not be too restrictive.
The child must be helped to see the connection between the misbehaviour and the punishment.
All these are necessary to mitigate the negative consequences (including decreased motivation to attend school, for instance) that punishments can have on the child.
At home, effective and constructive punishments include time-outs where an individual is given a break from the environment or action to reflect on their behaviour.
Temporarily denying them privileges such as going out to visit friends or enjoying screen time can be a good motivation for desired behaviour.
Additional household chores, writing lines or essays and allowing them to experience the consequences of their actions such as cleaning up after making a mess are all helpful in raising children with values.
In school, additional punishments can include signing behaviour contracts and having parent-teacher conferences to discuss the child’s behaviour.
Corporal punishment can be potentially harmful because of the application of physical force whose effect is hard to control on both the child’s body and mental health. It is not always easy to keep emotions of anger out of this business. That is why it is generally frowned upon.
It is important to balance the use of positive reinforcements with punishments.
A child’s social background and developmental state should be considered in determining the appropriateness of punishment if necessary.
