Most teenagers can be fun to have around.
Their energy, creativity and enthusiasm can be infectious.
They tend to have a playful sense of humour that is not even funny at certain times.
They can have very strong interests and passions, too, which they talk about endlessly.
Their ways of thinking and perceptions can be out of this world, yet so real to them.
These traits make them so cool till some of them start showing behaviours that can send parents into overdrive.
One of such behaviours is the desire to benefit from everyone and everything without regard for others.
This inflated sense of importance makes them put themselves first in all things, pushing for special privileges and desires without merit.
These teenagers believe they inherently deserve special treatment, while showing little appreciation for the efforts of their parents and other caregivers around them who contribute to making their lives better.
Their constant expectation is that others (sometimes including their own age mates) must serve them.
A few teenagers interviewed proudly described this behaviour as ruling others.
This kind of attitude can be dangerous because it can potentially distort the teenager’s understanding of personal responsibility, relationships and limits, leading to long-term negative consequences in emotional, social and even professional development.
A bloated ego makes them refuse to take responsibility for mistakes or failures.
They will shift blame, argue and deny the obvious.
In the end, they don’t learn a lot of life’s lessons. It is a real pain to be around such children and this is why they must be helped.
Parents, caregivers
Parents and caregivers can easily give up in this fight and attribute these to hormonal changes in teenagers.
While such a reason may sound comforting, the fact remains that relationships around this teenager may end up getting damaged because parents, teachers, peers, etc., will usually begin to feel used and manipulated over time.
Their likely response is to withdraw and hold back the good and positive efforts they could pour into their interactions.
Pushing the boundaries, resisting rules and neglecting guidance from adults can cause the family a lot of embarrassment.
It can further escalate into defiance, risk-taking, succumbing to negative peer pressure and getting into trouble with the law eventually.
Sometimes, this may be happening in homes where parents are not necessarily overindulgent, but nice people who choose to be nice to their children as they would to others.
Lack of consistent discipline and consequences even makes matters worse.
Teens must be held accountable by giving them responsibilities and chores to handle at home.
Encourage humility, gratitude and empathy by constantly discussing life and the value of such attitudes.
Even when they pretend not to be listening, they do hear and later reflect on these bits and pieces of lectures.
Parents must sound like broken records.
This can be draining, but that is exactly what some teenagers need to stay upright.
This should not sound like mere nagging, shaming, emotional venting or lecturing to gain control.
Otherwise, some of these teens will tune out and stay resentful.
Drama
Some teens love the drama. Parents must, therefore, stay calm and consistent.
Parents must keep repeating key boundaries and values and avoid complaints or judgments.
Consequences for unacceptable behaviour must be spelt out and followed through; not just counted as one of many threats.
This is why parenting teens requires a certain kind of uncompromising firmness.
Such children must be delivered from growing up to face unnecessary struggles in relationships, in marriage, at work, etc.
In real life, the people they meet are not likely to tolerate this entitled behaviour.
This can also result in lifelong employment difficulties.
The writer is a child development expert/Fellow of the Zero-To-Three Academy, USA.
