Is there a formula for happiness?
I was waiting at a bus stop in a foreign country with a woman who looked like she was in her early 60s. We started a conversation as we waited for the bus and I found out that the day before had been her birthday.
I asked how she had spent the day and her answer surprised me. She said her daughter had been surprised too when she told her where she wanted to spend her birthday.
Explaining, she said she chose that place over going to a restaurant because one did not easily forget experiences, rather the food one ate on a particular day. For her birthday, my newly found bus stop friend spent the day with her daughter, son-in-law and two grandchildren at Chuck E.
If I asked you to guess, which of the following would you say are important for happiness? Friends, money, getting married, physical looks, health, living in Europe or USA, shoes, cars, jewellery, houses, vacation?
Last week, we discussed what happiness means. A lot of research has been done on the subject of what makes people happy. Reading through some of the studies done, my conclusion is, “what an interesting topic that is!” It is an interesting topic because we all have different ideas about what happiness is and how to get it.
I like to be happy, as I am sure you do too, so I thought it would be interesting to find some ways of becoming a happy person. If there is a formula that answers any question you may have, wouldn’t you want to know it?
Assuming you’ve been working very hard for a couple of months and saved enough money to give yourself a treat, would you spend the money on a weekend trip or a material object? What’s your answer? Well, psychological research shows that you may be better off spending it on an experience rather than a material object.
That is because the initial joy of acquiring a new object such as a bag fades over time as you become accustomed to seeing it every day. Experiences, on the other hand, continue to provide happiness through memories long after the event. Paying for experiences gives us long-lasting happiness that we can reminisce years after, researchers say.
It turns out that my newly found bus stop friend was right after all. In years to come, she will remember the time she spent with her grandchildren, remember the joy on their faces as they sang and danced with Chuck E and the excitement as they moved from game to game, accompanied by squeals of laughter as they won a few games. I doubt if she will remember how many slices of pizza she had or what kind of pizza it was.
I can relate to this. It’s been ages since my father took us on weekend trips to Aburi but I still fondly remember those times, and the memories never fail to bring a smile on my face. Do I remember the present on my 10th birthday? No. The memories have become even priceless since my parents passed away. Those experiences bring me more happiness than any material item they gave me.
This is not to say you should never consider a material object if you want to give yourself a treat or when asked what you would want for your birthday.
You just might want to add an ‘experience’ to your list of options. Some days you might want to spend time with family and some days you might want a nice bottle of perfume or a new watch.
Material things can be fun if you use them to create experiences. For example, I love buying cooking tools and equipment. Things that make food preparation easier and attractive and gatherings and parties fun. With my culinary tools, I am able to create a wonderful experience for my guests and me.
At the end of the day, we all have our definition of happiness and how we find it. In the pursuit of happiness, it is important to recognise which paths are delusions and which ones actually lead to happiness.
When it comes to the pursuit of happiness, perhaps the formula can be found in doing things rather than by having things. What’s the formula? Add time, effort and creativity.
Happiness is not as elusive as we think. We just have to know where to look.
Have a happy weekend.
