What happens after break-up
A scientific theory explains that as you fall in love you develop a ‘mystical’ spark during which your brain stimulates the production of chemicals like dopamine and epinephrine.
These give you a rosy outlook of life.
If the brain stimulation is strong, your mind gets clouded and you literally get ‘mentally challenged’ and hence the term ‘madly in love’.
Falling in love is magical. You have a strong feeling of attachment and respond emotionally to your lover. You open your heart and are ready to share your life. You wish it could last forever but unfortunately the one you love most will hurt you most and break your heart.
Sometime last year, a young woman sent out invitation cards for her upcoming wedding. However, just two weeks to the day, her lover sent a note ’wedding cancelled’.
Nothing could change the man’s decision. Within days it became obvious that the woman’s best friend who was to be the maid of honour had taken over the man.
Unfortunately, that was the third time this woman had come close to a wedding. She has now made a decision never to love again.
Effects of break-up
Partners go through series of grief when they go through a break-up. You have shock and even think it can’t happen to you. Then you see your situation as real and go through pain, anger, hatred, disappointment and depression.
You lose trust and commitment in a relationship as you find all your dreams shattered by one act of betrayal.
What to do
Appreciate the decision of your lover. You cannot force someone to love you even when you think you have committed so much resource into the relationship. Once your partner says it is over, let him or her go otherwise you simply multiply your efforts by zero.
Feel the pain. You can never let go your hurt if you do not admit you are hurt. Suppressing your pain may worsen your situation. Shed tears if you may because it has healing powers.
Take responsibility for your part. You are part of whatever happens in your relationship because your lover merely responds to what you do. If you are critical, immoral, uncooperative and selfish, your lover may betray you when you need him or her most. Learn from your mistakes so that you become wiser and stronger.
Heal yourself
You may do a symbolic act by writing out your failure and as you tear up or burn the paper, imagine the pain go away.
Forgive your lover
No matter how deeply your lover has hurt you it is in your own interest to forgive your lover unconditionally. Fact is pain and anger predispose you to many mental and physical harm.
When you hurt yourself by your anger, heal yourself by forgiveness.
You can love again
It is tempting to decide not to love again when you are betrayed. You may fear that what happened to you may happen again and again. It is however healthy to find new love after you heal yourself.
Studies show that partners in good relationships are healthier and live longer. They are more productive and express higher levels of happiness.
Develop a positive mental attitude about yourself and your future relationship. Nothing good can happen to you except what you put on your mind.
If you see yourself as failure you can never love yourself and no one will love you. Therefore, create an aura of success around you. See it. Feel it.
Believe it. If you make a mental picture of victory and work hard at it you will find a fulfilling relationship.
Love has a price to pay
Your relationship may therefore fail but rise up, heal yourself and move on. Nobody is born to love only one person.
Never put your life on hold because of a failed relationship. If you wonder if you can love again, the answer is simple; Yes, you can. Go for it and allow yourself to fall in love again.
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