Why you should never take your marriage for granted

RMS Titanic was built to provide transatlantic travel business.

Using the most advanced technology at the time, Titanic became the largest ship, unsurpassed in luxury and opulence. It was also thought to be unsinkable.

In fact, when the builder was asked how safe the Titanic was, he said ‘Not even God can sink it’. Well, God accepted the challenge. 

The ship sank on April 1912 on her maiden voyage. One thousand five hundred and twenty-three people, about two-thirds of the people on board including famous millionaires, industrialists, business magnates and film producers, perished with it. 

God accepted the challenge in style. The Titanic wasn’t sunk by thunder, submarine guns, bombs or fire. It was sunk by the commonest and the most abundant substance on earth – water and in this case, solidified water or ice. 

Most marriages can be likened to Titanic. Couples celebrate the sacrament of matrimony. They exchange vows to stay together till death do them part. They look set to hit the ground running. Soon, partners fall into a daily routine fuelled by many responsibilities.

The husband focuses on his work and the wife her children. 

Career, children, friends, extended family and work compete for attention, time and energy. Soon, partners forget what marriage is about and take each other for granted.

They simply become complacent, have an over-confident satisfaction with themselves or have a feeling of smugness which makes them ignore important issues in their marriage.

Signs you have taken your marriage for granted

You are in pursuit of money, power or recognition at the expense of your marriage. You have made it big and think money is all you need to have a happy marriage. You have stayed together for long and assume that is enough to show you love each other. 

You are too busy to make time for your marriage and spiritual development. Young men and women who were very active in church soon find it hard to attend, pray and read the Bible together or take part in church activities.

With familiarity, you fail to appreciate the need to work on yourself and your marriage.

Marriage revolves around emotions. A woman’s topmost needs are affection, companionship, family commitment and financial support.

A man’s topmost needs are respect, sex, an attractive wife and domestic care. If emotional needs are not met, partners lose their interest in the marriage and become apathetic.  

For example, men are visually stimulated. They love to see their women dressed attractively but in some cases, a lady, slim or ‘ateaa’ who used to dress gorgeously and very much in shape now becomes obese or ‘obolo, does not fix her hair, has no make-up and wears just anything because she feels she has already won her man.

If you lose your attraction for each other your marriage becomes stale.

Danger of taking your marriage for granted

Complacency drains excitement, freshness, affection and intimacy. You do not listen with understanding or make mutual decisions.

Commitment, drive and passion fade gradually and the marriage becomes stale. You gradually fall apart.

You take your spouse for granted and assume your spouse will always be there for you, no matter what happens. You say things, and do things without reflecting on them because you assume you already know your spouse and how he or she reacts to every situation.

The fact is, assumptions may lead you to misinterpret your lover’s actions and feelings. You may assume your spouse knows you love him or her and so do not need to reaffirm your love. 

You may therefore take for granted that your spouse needs to feel wanted, loved and appreciated to motivate him or her to give his or her best. 

You forget or fail to realise that marriage is about companionship which requires an emotional link that must be stimulated and reinforced constantly. 

Like the Titanic, you assume all is well but sooner or later, your marriage sinks when you least expect it.

Overcoming taking your marriage for granted

Make your spouse the topmost priority in your life. He or she must come ahead of everyone or everything otherwise you turn God’s plan for your life upside down and your marriage will sink.

Spend time together and enjoy each other’s company. Never let your romance die or lose intimate moments. Spend time with your lover and enjoy the moments you share.  

Let your spouse know he or she is valuable to you. Appreciate that almost always it is the small things and gestures that spice up your marriage and make it fulfilling.

Show kindness – verbal and behavioural. Exchange gifts often especially for no special occasions because they are signs of goodwill.

Show respect, admiration and appreciation. Always remind yourself that marriage is worship and a vocation. You serve God by what you do for each other for life. You must never let apathy win.

Have you taken your marriage for granted?

Complacency is like a plague. It is catching and will be spreading. You do not see it or hear it and by the time you realise what is happening, like the Titanic, your marriage sinks slowly and wonder too late what changed, where the marriage went and what you could have done to save it.

Akans have an axiom that marriage is like toasting plantain – as you toast it, you feel the heat on your hands, if you do not toast it, the plantain burns. The message is simple; you have to work on your marriage to make it work. 

Appreciate that anything worth keeping requires work. Do not be too comfortable and take your marriage or spouse for granted but like St Paul, press on toward the goal ( Phil.3;14) to be a faithful steward in the vineyard of God’s calling in the vocation of marriage.

You should not be unaware of the tricks of the enemy or life issues which may appear insignificant but grow into a monster to destroy your marriage. Be watchful because the evil one like a roaring lion seeks to destroy your enemy. 

Resist him, firm in your faith ( 1 Pet. 5;8-9) as you live your marriage by God’s plan and purpose. Complacency is a common problem.

Never assume it won’t happen to you. Never assume you know each other so well that you do not need to make an effort. 

Never let apathy win in your marriage. If you want to keep your marriage, work at it. Each day, work on your marriage and pray for your marriage. 

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