Good & Healthy Relationship Advice & Tips
Are you masturbating?
In our era of sexual explosion, one disturbing case of sexual abuse is masturbation—sexual self-pleasing that involves some form of physical stimulation of the genitals which usually includes fondling, caressing and stroking of the genitals, which may or may not result in orgasm.
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Masturbation is increasing fast in Ghana and everywhere maybe because single life is increasing.
Many people masturbate even when they are married and have a good sex life.
For example, a study done in one advanced country showed 95 per cent of males and 89 per cent of females reported they had masturbated or are still doing it.
It appears the first sexual act experienced by most people is masturbation. It also appears higher in males than females, maybe because a man gets aroused faster and his male organ is more visible and easier to reach.
A young student was told that if he did not masturbate he would fall sick often and be gyimi gyimi or unintelligent. He, therefore, started masturbating twice a day from the senior high school to second year in the university. It took some good and timely counselling to get him out of this habit.
There is also the case of two young lovers who decided not to have sex till they marry. However, they massage, fondle and arouse each other and when they go to their private homes they masturbate, yet they claim they are virgins!
Fact is, the word virgin actually means one who is completely innocent about sex. If you masturbate, you have lost your virginity!
The myth
Many people believe masturbation is a healthy and natural method of sexual release. It reduces tension or stress. It is simple, cheap and does not require an agreement with another person. You can’t contract any sexually transmitted diseases such as AIDS and there is no risk of pregnancy.
Other people masturbate because they have high sexual drive while their partners have low sexual drive. Some use masturbation when their lovers are unavailable, sick, pregnant, disabled or lactating.
Some use masturbation to learn their sexual response and explore their sexuality. Women who can bring themselves to orgasm by masturbation are more likely to have orgasm with their partners. Men who masturbate for 10-15 minutes without ejaculation are less likely to have premature ejaculation.
With adults experiencing sexual dysfunction, masturbation is an alternative to experience sexual arousal and this can be done for life. Contrary to popular belief, masturbation does not cause blindness, illness, stroke, insanity or low sexual drive. It does not make you a homosexual.
The danger
Nobody hates his body but cares for it. Masturbation is an abuse of the body. It is lustful and idolatrous. If it is used to avoid marital sex, it becomes selfish. Masturbation is, therefore, a sin.
You may become addicted to masturbation and carry it into marriage. Some can’t enjoy sex with their partners without first masturbating or doing so after sex with their partners.
Some lose self control, commitment and interest in marital sex. This makes a woman feel unhappy and inadequate. You can’t have a fulfilling marriage because you are more likely to fall into other sexual sins. People who masturbate have guilt, which predisposes them to emotional, mental and social disorders.
Are you masturbating?
If you are masturbating, accept today that it is wrong. You pervert your body when you use it for immoral purpose. You can’t separate values and roles. The temporal relief you can get in masturbation can’t compare with the deep and total emotional satisfaction you could lose for a lifetime. A temporal solution could be a lifetime problem.
Appreciate that sex has its own way of releasing stress. Men discharge seminal fluid in wet dreams. Menstrual flow in women expels eggs and cleanses the womb. On your part, vigorous exercise is the best to release physical and emotional tension.
Make every effort to stop masturbation because it could kill your relationship.
Just as you start thinking about it and want to do it, turn to other interesting activities.
Dance or talk to someone. Watch a film. You may also take a walk, read and above all pray. Like drug addiction, withdrawal is painful in the initial stages but it if you can hold on for a couple of weeks, you can get out of it.
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Nothing will happen to you except what you put on your mind. Seek counselling if necessary. Love your body and honour God with it because your body is His temple. Guide and care for your body and prepare it for the beautiful institution of marriage which is the greatest gift of God.
Any genital love must be an act of expressing love between a man and woman and be open to create life. Masturbation fails on both scores. You must, therefore, say no to masturbation because it is wrong. No wrong can be pursued even for good ends.
Email: jydboakye01@gmail.com. The writer is the director of Eudoo Counseling Centre. West Legon. He is also the author of ‘Your Guide to Marriage’ Love Unlimited and The Journey of Love.
Mob: 0208181861