Good & Healthy Relationship Advice & Tips

A man has 40 per cent muscle by weight but a woman has 20 per cent muscle by weight. He has bigger lungs and more blood which carries more red blood cells. In addition, a man has higher levels of testosterone and these combine to give a man almost twice the brute strength of woman. 

It is, therefore, natural to think that a man can always beat a woman but domestic violence is taking a turn and more and more women are beating their men.

In the December 12, 2014 issue of The Mirror, a report with a headline ‘our women beat us too beat’  indicated that some  women beat their men but it is difficult for them to report to the police because ‘the police, friends and relatives will laugh at a man who makes such a report.’ 

Fact remains, however, that there are increasing cases of women beating their men because today, many women claim whatever a man can do a woman can also do and better. 

In the US for example, one in six men is beaten by his own woman. What we hear is the tip of the iceberg. If only we knew what happens behind closed doors.

A man has bruises all over and claims it was an accident!

In Ghana, there is a popular story of a man who shouted that if people did not come quickly, he would kill his wife. When sympathisers rushed in, there was this man; his head locked under his woman’s armpit and his eyes wide open and gasping for breath. 

He needed to be rescued but couldn’t bring himself to ask for help. Men and our ego!

Why women beat their men

Men who beat their women are generally not violent with others. They do not abuse other people but find it convenient to abuse their women to assert control over their women and build their self-esteem.

On the other hand, women who beat their men have a psychological source of violence. They are ruthless with anyone who disagrees with them be they children, friends and lovers.

Some women are also born choleric; they are hot tempered and desire to have their own way. They are ,therefore, domineering, impatient, aggressive and insensitive, especially when they grow up in violent homes or environments where their emotional needs were not met. 

They resolve issues violently to heal their past.

The strategy

Husband beating starts with a conflict, a man not giving ‘chop’ money, coming home late, suspected infidelity, wasteful spending or unacceptable lifestyle.

She expresses hostility verbally because women are more proficient in words but if this does not work out, she shifts to physical violence to subdue her man.

The majority of men beat their women with bare hands but most women, apart from biting, pushing and pinching, use weapons such as plates, knives and sticks. 

For example, a couple of years ago, a woman in the Brong Ahafo Region was alleged to have beaten her husband to death with a pestle.

The effect

A man is born competitive and gets great emotional fulfillment by winning. Losing out to a woman in a fight breaks down his self-esteem. If he is beaten before his children or in public, the effect is more damaging because he loses respect. 

He could be depressed and predisposed to mental and physical harm including impotence. 

Husband beating is, therefore, a great killer of domestic harmony. A single blow can destroy your man and marriage.

Do you beat your man?

Domestic violence is a crime and it does not matter who perpetuates it. Also, appreciate that your man as a leader thrives on his role by his efficiency and power.

If you beat your man, you show you do not see him worthy of a husband or leader.

Admit your anger and frustration but learn to control yourself. Avoid forcing your man to change by beating him. Aim at mutual decisions but if it fails, leave the final decision to him. 

If you accept your man’s decisions, you show you love him and will get the best out of him. You must, therefore, never raise your hand on your man. 

You may win the fight but lose your relationship because love does not batter.

The writer is the Director of Eudoo Counselling Centre, West Legon. He is also the author of ‘Your Guide to Marriage, Love Unlimited and The Journey of Love’ (Jydboakye.yahoo.com)

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