Good & Healthy Relationship Advice & Tips

Jealousy should not be confused with envy. Envy is something you want but don’t have, whereas jealousy is something you already have but are afraid of losing. There is a big difference. 

A little bit of jealousy in a relationship can be healthy. However, when jealousy shifts into high gear it can drive your partner away. Jealousy of this nature, or morbid jealousy as it’s clinical term states, can extend from immaturity, insecurity, anxiety or in extreme cases a mental health disorder. It can absolutely ruin a relationship.

Here are some signs jealousy is ruining your relationship.

• You constantly check social media: All of us from time to time check out social media out of curiosity. We check to see what our boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend is doing or what she looks like now.  Admit it, we all do it. 

If, however, you find yourself checking a potential threat’s social media account constantly to see if she is in the same vicinity as your boyfriend, you might have a problem. 

Social media has ruined many more than one relationship through jealousy and cyber stalking, be careful it doesn’t ruin yours.

• You go through his phone: If you find yourself picking up his phone when he is asleep or in the bathroom, rummaging through his text messages and call log, then not only is this a jealousy issue but it’s a trust one as well. If you get caught fishing through his phone then you may be packing your bags.

• You call him 10 times while he is out with the boys: He’s on a night out with the boys and you’ve already called him 10 times to “check in.” Enough said, you clearly want to make sure he’s not talking to other women or having too much fun without you.

• You control which female friends he can see: If you find yourself controlling your partner’s female friend circle by allowing him only to be friends with the ones that you don’t perceive there to be any risk involved, you certainly have a jealousy issue that could potentially ruin your relationship.

• You lose the plot when he is late: Jealousy doesn’t have to stem from the threat of another person, although mostly in a relationship it does. It can be anything that threatens to take your boyfriend away from you and your time together, like school or his job.  

As soon as he walks in the door you are putting him under the spotlight asking him 20 questions of who, when, why and what? And why was he home in 25 minutes when you know it only takes 10. Stop with the barrage of questions.

• You send text messages or make calls to numbers on his phone you don’t recognise.: Are you sending random text messages or making calls to numbers in his phone that you don’t recognise in an attempt to bait who the caller might be? Classic jealous and manipulative behaviour. 

• You manipulate & fabricate the truth: When someone can’t control you,  they tend to try and control how another person is perceived.  In an attempt to pull you into their jealous realm,  a jealous person will simply start making up lies to their benefit and manipulating situations to make themselves look better. 

When the truth comes out, and it will, the only person who looks bad is the jealous manipulator.  Game over.

• You watch his every move: When you feel there is a perceived threat to your relationship you become a better detective than Sherlock Holmes.  Be careful, the tables may turn and the only person who will be under the magnifying glass is you.

• You blame everyone else: A threatened partner will always try to find a scapegoat to lay blame in order to justify their jealousy. They will find any way possible to manipulate the situation to make it appear that their jealousy has validity, even when it doesn’t.  

Deflecting inadequate jealous feelings away from yourself in an attempt to make it appear that the problem lies in another person’s behaviour, is classic jealousy.