Good & Healthy Relationship Advice & Tips

With a decaying society, the problems in relationships are getting pitch high. 

Each day, many cases of abuse, cheating, intolerance and deception and sadly the majority of victims are women. 

You listen to their stories and wonder what keeps them in the relationships. Then you get to know because most end their story with ‘…but I still love him.’

Imagine the case of a 25-year-old businesswoman in a relationship with a 30-year-man who has no fixed job or income.  He never takes her out or introduces her to any friend or family member.

He has many girlfriends and when she complains he insults and physically abuses her. 

He is very demanding but never shows any affection or appreciation. He lured her to open a joint account and managed to take everything out of the account. 

Now the man has impregnated her closest friend. Sadly, she ends her story with the usual ‘...but I still love him.’ 

There is a similar case in last week’s edition of The Mirror. The woman said among others that the man does not respect her or show interest in the relationship. He does not share his plans. He uses filthy language and sometimes calls her a prostitute. 

He has done many negative things she cannot write about but ends with the usual ‘.. but I still love him.’  Sometimes you wonder what is wrong with some women.

Reasons why women stay

Mental: Unlike men, some women love too much and become obsessed with love. This is common with women who grew up in abusive families or relationships. They stay in bad relationships in an attempt to heal their past. 

The greater the pain they experience in the relationship, the more their early pain is activated and the stronger their urge to hold on to their relationship. The greater the pain, the greater their urge to stay on and show their love.

Such women sacrifice everything to stay in their relationship. She takes full responsibility for anything that goes wrong and thinks she does not deserve better. 

What feels bad to the normal person feels good to her. She grows to accept the pain and thinks her relationship is not bad or will get better.

She ignores you and may not even talk to you if you try to bring her attention to her bad relationship. 

If a good man comes along, she ignores him because he does not create the drama he needs to heal her past and if she is forced to leave she goes in for someone who keeps hurting her. 

This may explain why in our university days some ‘fine’ female students were all over the ‘bad’ males while the ‘crifes’ or the good gentlemen ‘chewed on.’ 

Some call this compulsive obsessive disorder.

Emotional: A relationship is a woman’s greatest emotional need because it gives her fulfillment and security. 

Many women see their identity in their men and think they need a man to be complete. They think any man is better than no man and therefore fear separation or divorce. 

They worry about what will happen if they should leave. Women, therefore, find is very difficult to leave. They develop a high level of tolerance in their relationship.

Finance, family, society and church

Global studies show women earn only a third of what men earn. In Ghana, many women are completely dependent on their men. 

If she wants to enjoy the same standard of living and support, she must stay and suffer. If she leaves, the man may refuse to take care of her and the children.

Some families think that as part of their tradition and heritage, it is a shame to see a woman leave a marriage. 

No matter how much the woman complains, her mother will tell her: “Don’t worry, that is how all men are; or mmofra no nti or stay on because of the children.”

No matter what happened or who was at fault, our society looks down on the divorcee. Irrespective of what happened, some will tell you in the face that if you were a good woman, your husband wouldn’t have left you. 

Irresponsible men will have the audacity to propose to you. In addition, most religions emphasise ‘for better or for worst; till death do us part.’

If you leave you are excommunicated and ineligible for some positions in the church. Many women are, therefore, trapped in their relationships.

Must you stay?

If you are in a bad relationship, you know it because you see many signs; no true intimacy, no passion and no fulfillment. 

You may be losing your self-esteem or mind. Your lover is critical, selfish and makes you feel unloved or unwanted. You fear for the future.

Two years ago, a drunkard kept threatening his wife but she ignored the threats and was murdered. 

If you have done your best and you still do not see anything good in your relationship, be bold and leave. 

Your life is the most precious of your possessions. Do something useful with it and never sacrifice it on the altar of a hapless relationship.  

You deserve better. Never stay in a relationship at all cost.