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Are you living with your lover?
Today, the marriage institution is fast eroding. People are attempting to replace marriage with schemes that allow them to enjoy everything in marriage without marrying. Some argue that if you can get free milk you shouldn’t buy a cow and worry about taking care of it. Now, it has become common for two sexual partners not married to share a household as a couple for a usually long relationship. This arrangement is called cohabitation, living together or common law partners.
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Increasing trend
Cohabitation is now an increasing trend globally and Ghana is no exception. For example 30 years ago, it was an offence for unmarried heterosexual partners to live together in the USA. However, the 2005 US Census indicated that over five million couples were cohabitating, an increase of over 1,000 per cent over the 1760 figure. It is also known that about 85 per cent of couples in USA today admit living together before marriage.
According to a study by Pew Research Centre Analysis of Natural Family Growth, 69 per cent of Americans say living together is acceptable even if couples don’t plan to marry. Again, a study showed the majority of American adults had lived together with a lover at one time of their lives. In Ghana, some studies suggest that 35 per cent who are not married are living together.
Cohabitation has come to stay. In fact, it is increasing dramatically while marriage is falling. Studies also show that most young people say cohabitation is good and will embrace it later in life. The fear is that cohabitation has the potential to replace marriage.
Why live together?
Marriage has become extremely risky. Only one in five marriages work. We see pain, frustration, violence, abuse, depression and even death in marriages. Human nature seeks the path of least resistance. Cohabitation has become a popular alternative lifestyle choice to marriage.
In terms of demography, it is seen that Ghanaians are having sex at an earlier age. Today, we hear of primary school girls who have boyfriends and are sexually active. At the same time, Ghanaians are marrying late. Cohabitation favours the extra period of sexually active single life, especially in our sexual revolution where premarital sex and trial marriages are almost accepted.
Socially, we see a cultural shift. We see yesterday’s marriage as very honourable to our culture and tradition. Today, people advocate for freedom of choice and self-fulfilment first. It is also known that in Ghana, many women are very poor. Many can’t afford rent, bills and basic needs. Many women cohabit to have their needs. Men cohabit to have cheap services such as sex and domestic care.
Danger of living together
Cohabitation restricts you from marrying somebody you may otherwise not have. Studies also indicate that cohabitation is detrimental to the stability of a long-term relationship. Partners have a lower level of commitment which generates into poor attitude to marriage. Cohabitation, therefore, increases the risk of break-up after marriage. Statistics indicate that more than half of cohabiters who marry, divorce within two years.
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Marriage experts also assert that marriage partners in cohabitation have lower level of satisfaction and sexual exclusivity, great acrimony, higher abuse, less physical and mental health, lower social status and greater depression, especially in women.
Children in cohabitation also have higher behavioural problems and a higher risk of break-up if they marry. It is also known that in Ghana, partners cohabiting have diminished religious participation which may cause emotional stress.
Way forward
Some marriage experts concede that cohabitation has come to stay and since it damages our social set-up, we must set up social and legal systems to contain it. Gone are the days when cohabitation was seen as unethical, immoral and the woman thought to be a fool. Today, there is a growing trend of its acceptability.
It is also known that in the past, women in cohabitation were sent away empty-handed in the event of separation or death of a partner. Today, it appears our courts in Ghana have begun to rule that cohabiters do have certain rights and benefits based on such concepts as equitable principles. This means that if a man stays with a woman for at least six months and they put themselves up as a couple, then legally, they are seen as married and the woman has some rights to the man’s estate if he passes on.
Other marriage experts believe that since marriage is the cornerstone of a successful society, we must discourage cohabitation to minimise damage to the marriage institution. This can be done through proper education to revitalise the marriage institution, cheaper marriage rites and incentives to married couples.
Can living together replace marriage?
Marriage is the nerve centre of a stable society. Anything that threatens marriage threatens the stability of societies. In marriage, we have the privilege of developing a bond that can never be found outside it but positively influences everything outside it. It is our maker’s greatest idea to bless us. Living together can never replace marriage. In fact, nothing can.
Question: Are you living with your lover? If yes, think about it because it may not be the wisest choice. Resolve to preserve the sanctity and sanity of marriage. Make it beautiful and honourable. It is the only foundation of a decent society.
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