Are evil forces behind your marriage?
In Ghanaian culture, marriage is often regarded as a key milestone of adulthood.
It is, therefore, not surprising that studies suggest that by age 38, only a small percentage of Ghanaian women have never been married.
Yet, while many people enter relationships with hopes of finding lasting love, some experience repeated break-ups, multiple marriages or divorce.
In trying to explain these challenges, some attribute their experiences to bad luck, destiny, spiritual forces or even so-called "spiritual marriages."
Today, it is common to find people seeking solutions from self-proclaimed spiritual leaders because they believe unseen forces are preventing them from finding a suitable partner or sustaining a marriage.
What many fail to appreciate, however, is that no relationship or marriage is without challenges. The difference lies in how couples handle those difficulties.
While some use conflict as an opportunity to strengthen their relationship, others simply give up.
Following a failed relationship, many engage in the blame game and absolve themselves of responsibility.
Some conclude that fate, karma or bad luck is responsible for their marital difficulties. As a result, they resort to charms, amulets and various rituals in the hope of protecting their marriages.
This explains why it is common to hear people say, "Me tiri nyƐ wƆ aware mu" — "I am not lucky in marriage."
Is marriage about luck?
Marriage experts agree that successful marriages require far more than luck.
Many good and well-meaning individuals find themselves in unhealthy relationships, not because they are cursed, but because they make poor relationship choices or ignore warning signs.
It is not uncommon for good women to be attracted to men with undesirable traits. In schools, workplaces and communities, the so-called "bad boys" often attract considerable attention, while responsible and dependable men are overlooked.
Several theories attempt to explain this phenomenon. One suggests that opposites attract, causing some women to gravitate towards men whose personalities differ sharply from their own.
Others point to childhood experiences. Women who grew up in dysfunctional homes or lacked affection from their fathers may unconsciously seek partners who remind them of those early experiences.
In attempting to heal old emotional wounds, they repeatedly enter relationships that recreate the same pain.
Ironically, the more painful such relationships become, the more difficult it is for some women to leave them. Because unhealthy behaviour feels familiar, healthy relationships may seem boring or unfamiliar.
Psychologists sometimes refer to this as a pattern of repetitive behaviour, where individuals unconsciously recreate painful experiences in an attempt to resolve unresolved emotional issues.
Ignoring red flags
Low self-esteem can also play a role.
Some women believe all men are the same and settle for partners despite obvious warning signs.
They blame themselves for every problem in the relationship and convince themselves they do not deserve better.
Others remain in unhealthy marriages because they believe marriage defines their worth.
Some are drawn to the excitement, unpredictability or confidence displayed by problematic partners and mistakenly interpret these traits as strength.
Many also hold the fantasy that love can transform a troubled partner.
History is filled with stories of people who believed they could change criminals, addicts, alcoholics or abusive partners through love, only to discover that lasting change rarely comes from external pressure.
Once emotionally attached, many become blind to behaviours that would otherwise be obvious to them.
Choosing wisely
One of the most important truths about marriage is that people rarely change significantly after the wedding.
The character traits, habits and behaviours you observe before marriage are often the same ones you will encounter after marriage.
If you consistently choose unsuitable partners, you are likely to experience repeated relationship difficulties. Also, second and third marriages often present even greater challenges than first marriages.
A successful marriage begins with choosing a compatible partner and entering the relationship with realistic expectations.
The partner you choose can either enrich your life or make it unnecessarily difficult. Marriage should never be treated as a gamble based on luck or romantic feelings alone.
Strong marriages are built on friendship, commitment, effective communication, forgiveness, mutual respect and faith.
When two people are willing to work through challenges together, they create the foundation for a fulfilling and lasting relationship.
There is little room for luck where there is no effort.
So before blaming evil forces for marital problems, consider the choices being made and the work being invested in the relationship.
If there is any luck in marriage, perhaps it is the kind that comes through wisdom, commitment and hard work.
Ultimately, you remain the most important contributor to your own marital happiness.
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