Danger! No ‘close marking’

The game of football has become very technical, and coaches devise strategies to win their matches.

One such strategy is ‘close marking,’ where players stand close to their opponents to make it difficult for them to receive a ball, control it, pass or score.

This strategy works for some teams, and some lovers are tempted to apply this ‘stra’ to their relationships.

Imagine two young graduates in a relationship. The woman loved the man beyond description and feared losing him.

She was always over him and when he was away, she demanded to know where he was, who he was with and what he was doing.

She stopped his friends and relatives and searched his pockets and phone for suspicious intruders.  

She fought all young women who came close to her man because they were seen as threats. The man, feeling suffocated, left the relationship.

The danger of ‘close marking’

Every individual is unique with their strengths and weaknesses. We need to develop our interests to be on top of ourselves before we can be good lovers.

Close marking does not give you the space to grow your identity.

We all have to keep some areas of our lives strictly private.

Close marking does not give your lover the space to dream, create and explore their identity, and to find solutions to the challenges in their personal lives. Close marking takes away your lover's basic human right.

Avoiding close marking

Allow your lover to pursue their own interests. He or she has the basic right to go where he or she wants and do what he or she enjoys doing.

Allow him or her to spend time with his or her friends. This brings variety and freshness to your lover and you will benefit from it.

Trust your lover. Don’t check on him or her or figure out what he or she is up to every moment of the day. Do not search his or her pocket or mobile phone.

Allow him or her to experiment with safe limits. You may ask him or her what is on your mind, but do not demand immediate answers. If your lover does not want to talk about an issue, be patient and give them time.

A woman must know that no matter how much your man loves you, he will occasionally ‘go into a cave,’ a time when he appears to ignore you for no reason.

He uses this time to examine his inner self and nurture his identity. During this time, communication, sex and attention may be poor, but it does not mean he does not love you or that you have done anything wrong.

The more you demand answers, the deeper he goes into the cave. Your best option is to allow him time. Once he feels better, he will come back to you refreshed and a better lover. 

No close marking

Life is a balancing act. You need a good balance of distance and closeness with your lover. Too much time away from your lover may give you a sense of losing your intimacy.

On the other hand, too much time with your lover may make him or her feel hemmed in, bored, imprisoned and stifled.

David Olsen, a marriage counsellor, believes partners who are neither too separate from one another nor overly involved with one another are in the best position to succeed.

Love is not the same as possession. You can, therefore, not claim to love someone with ‘close marking’. If you really love your partner, avoid ‘close marking’. Do not spend all your time with him or her because you fear losing him or her.

Do not let your relationship fill every area of your lover. Your relationship needs breathing space, not close marking.
 
Email. Jydboakye.yahoo.com. The writer is the director of Eudoo Counselling Centre, West Legon. He is also the author of ‘Your Guide to Marriage, Love Unlimited and the Journey of Love '.
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