It is important to be financially independent before marriage

Watch your finances (2)

Dr John Boakye Life Mar - 07 - 2026 , 15:06 3 minutes read

The word courtship comes from two words — court and ship. Court refers to a trial or evaluation. Ship implies boundaries, much like a township defines the limits of a town.

Courtship, therefore, is the proper approach for evaluating a person’s true character. It is the process of developing a closer relationship with someone of the opposite sex with a view toward possible marriage.

During this period, partners pair off exclusively to understand, observe and evaluate each other. It is a time to build closeness, trust and insight into your partner’s character, values, beliefs, practices, life purpose and background before making a serious commitment.

Courtship is like inspecting a house before living in it — the foundation is unseen but essential for stability. It is a period for serious work, reflection and discernment.

Signs of bad courtship

Selfishness
• Partners focus primarily on their personal needs.
• Affection is conditional, often given only when needs are met.
• Men may seek sex while women may seek financial support.
• Partners may exhibit dishonesty, control, abuse, immorality, intolerance and poor communication.
• Lack of shared vision, life goals or common interests is common.
• Jealousy, arrogance or humour at others’ expense can signal deeper issues.

Body language & actions
• Avoids introducing you to friends or family.
• Refuses to discuss marriage or future plans.
• Keeps secrets or sets unrealistic demands before marriage.
• Shows little emotional availability, attraction or romance.

Existing marriage
• Partners already married may promise divorce, leading to emotional pain regardless of the outcome.
• Relationships with married individuals often result in guilt, heartbreak, depression and loss of self-esteem.
Multiple relationships or addictions
• Partners juggling multiple relationships or addictions risk undermining commitment.
• Lack of emotional resources due to work, family obligations or substance dependency can harm the relationship.

Deliberate delay
• Repeatedly postpones discussions about marriage.
• Provides flimsy excuses, claiming marriage is unimportant.
•Avoids serious commitment while maintaining the relationship for personal gain.

Evaluating your courtship
Ask yourself:
• Do you openly discuss important issues?
• Have you been introduced to each other’s friends and family?
• Can you rely on each other for honesty, support and trust?
If the answer is no, you may be in a bad courtship.

Correcting a bad courtship
• Transparency: Be honest about your strengths and weaknesses.
• Mutual Growth: Help each other improve and address areas of concern.
• Replace Negative Traits: Selfishness, dishonesty, and control should be replaced with commitment, honesty, a positive attitude and forgiveness.
• Address Doubts Early: Speak openly before marriage to prevent future regrets.

Courtship requires intentionality, patience and discernment. It is the foundation of a successful marriage and cannot rely solely on looks, wealth, social status or emotions.

Remember that a long-term relationship requires heavy investment — in time, attention, prayer and observation. Know your partner fully and accept them as they are before committing. Do not rush; work hard, pray and look before you leap.

The writer is the Director of Eudoo Counselling Centre, West Legon. The centre offers, among other services, premarital counselling for couples preparing for marriage.