Good & Healthy Relationship Advice & Tips
Are you keeping money secrets?
One thing that makes us all unique is we all have some secrets about our lives but when we get married, we struggle with which secrets to reveal or keep. Many wrongly keep secrets including their sterility, communicable diseases and medical records. However, in Ghana, money tops the list of what most couples keep secret.
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Money provides necessities of life. It gives you stability, security, positive self-esteem, identity and power. However, handling money in marriage can be complicated; it can grow your marriage or destroy it. Surely one way to destroy your marriage is to keep secrets about your money.
The surprised husband
Five years ago, a man driving through a developing area in Accra saw an old girlfriend. He stopped to have a chat and during their interaction, the woman asked if the man had come to inspect his wife’s house.
The man was surprised at the question but kept his cool to get detailed information about the house. He wondered how his wife made her money. His response was immediate divorce.
Why couples keep secrets
Most partners do not appreciate that in marriage they become one. They keep financial secrets to themselves and think they have the right to spend what they earn in ways they want to. Some call it ‘the spirit of independence’.
Some are also selfish and want to cover up their addictions, spending and extramarital affairs. Some wives cut corners with their ‘chop money’. Some men think if their wives get to know their income, they will make greater demands.
A man in a failing business may hide his finances to protect his recognition and self-esteem. There are also those who keep away money so they have something to fall back on, in the event of divorce.
The danger
Money connects your physical and emotional needs, your success, hopes, expectations and dreams. Financial secrecy eventually manifests itself and since all fulfilling relationships are built on trust, financial secrets erode trust and often spell doom. Broken trust and hurtful feelings will put a hedge between you and your lover. Your self-worth and net worth get confused and often the damage is irreversible. Financial secrecy can wreck a marriage if it has serious negative effect.
What you must know
When you tie the knot, you become one flesh and transit from independence to interdependence. Marriage is, therefore, like merging two enterprises. You must, therefore, share your ‘financial life’ and be totally transparent about it. If you tell the truth and the whole truth about your finances you win half the battle.
Plan your finances together and agree on how to maintain the home - joint account, household or independent systems. No matter what option you agree on or who brings in what, each partner must know the financial update of the family. Set your budget and financial goals together. This is possible only when you do not keep money secrets.
The message is simple; money secrets can destroy your marriage. In fact, most marriages fail because of financial secrecy than emotional infidelity. Your marriage will not survive serious money secrets.
On the other hand, financial transparency will nurture your marriage because it is one good mark of oneness in marriage. It also promotes discipline in your earning, spending and saving and enhances your future goals.
Financial secrecy will stress up your marriage but financial transparency will nurture your marriage and make it richer than your bank account.
Email: jydboakye01@gmail.com. The writer is the Director of Eudoo Counselling Centre, West Legon. He is also the author of Your guide to Marriage, Love Unlimited and The Journey of Love
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