Good & Healthy Relationship Advice & Tips

My friend was recently spilling the details of her cousin's relationship saga. "She's been devoted to this guy for years, and all of a sudden, he says he wants to 'take a break and decide if this is right for him,'" my friend said incredulously.

The cherry on top of the sundae is that he explained he couldn't give his (kinda?) girlfriend a timeline for how long it would take to come to a decision. What's a girl to do in that kind of situation? What would you do?

I think I'd be so hurt (and my pride would be so wounded) that I'd just be like, "Let's call it. This is a breakup. No need to confuse ourselves." It's one thing for a guy to occasionally worry that it's insane to stick with one person forever. Who doesn't think about that sometimes and almost break out in a cold sweat? But actually taking a step back to decide whether he loves you enough without full-on cutting the cord isn't something I'd be willing to deal with. With that said, everyone's different! If you're in this situation and being pulled in opposite directions by your brain and heart, here are a few things to consider.

Do you know what "a break" means to both of you? You need to ask him to explicitly explain what this break would consist of. When does he expect to make his decision? What differentiates this from a breakup? Will you not talk to each other at all? For how long? Can you see other people? Because really, no one wants to be in this situation:

How much do you really love him? Were you also having doubts? Do you see yourself being with him forever? This could actually be like a "get out of jail free" card if, deep down, you weren't sure this was the right relationship for you. Don't let your shock or pride bury that feeling if that's the case.

Are you OK waiting for him? Many times, that's essentially what a break is. It's waiting for whoever initiated it to make a decision about the other person. This is the trickiest part, because some people who decide they want a break know their S.O. will wait for them. It can become a power thing, where there's certainty the other person won't leave or disapprove of it. Even if you really love him with all your soul and would wait for him forever, does he really need to know that? Before you express that kind of sentiment, think about his character. Will he take advantage of your patience or will he be grateful that you can take a step back while he figures out his life?

The bottom line is that if a guy is asking for a break because work is really crazy or his family situation is nuts, it's understandable. It just isn't ideal. Hopefully, he would lean on you during that time, not push you away! But lots of times, a break is about his deciding whether you're good enough or there are better options out there. In that case, there pretty much always are, for you. The fear of long-term commitment is natural, but lots of guys get over it because they know the woman they're with is worth it, no experimentation period necessary.