Good & Healthy Relationship Advice & Tips
Will you marry after retirement?
Retirement, a time when you give up your regular job, especially due to old age means different things to different people.
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For some, it the best they ever had- time for adventure, deeper connection with dear ones, relaxation and opportunities. For others, it is a time of confusion, disappointment and desperation.
It is also a fact that most men suffer from retirement showdown because career is their primary focus of life. They, therefore, identify themselves with their work.
A man’s work and success is his main source of self-image and losing it is like losing his identity, self-esteem and power. Many men go through depression, stress and constant headache during retirement.
However, for both men and women, a big challenge during retirement is loneliness. If you have lost friends and your children have left home, your social life can be challenging, especially if you are single due to divorce or loss of spouse. This is when many contemplate marriage.
Why some do not marry during retirement
The main reason God instituted marriage is for companionship but for most Ghanaians the focus of marriage is children.
At retirement, a woman would have reached her menopause and at 60 about 60 per cent of men have ‘light off’ or gone impotent. For many Ghanaians, marriage without sex and children is not worth the effort.
We tend to have inflexible habits as we age. If you marry someone with incompatible habits, you could have serious problems in your old age. The problems become bigger with great disparity of age.
The bigger the age, difference the greater the chances of infidelity. There are also the health concerns and the ordeal of nursing an old partner and finding no time for pleasure. Some fear a new partner may benefit from many years of hard work at the expense of their children.
Our society does not encourage marriage during old age. Last year, during ‘deliverance’ session, a head pastor asked members who wanted marriage to come for blessing and among the respondents was a 65 year old woman.
The pastor asked if she was ‘standing in the gap’ for someone. When she responded she wanted it for herself the congregation chuckled in disapproval.
Many children also oppose the remarriage of their parents. When a marriage breaks down, children form an emotional bond with their ‘surviving’ parent to console themselves.
Anyone coming into the family is seen as an intruder who will change the family system and may be resisted.
Why some marry
We marry for love support and companionship. These become more relevant during old age because we are weak, lonely and have ample time to share with others.
It is also a fact that in Ghana marriage is a big social symbol and mature unmarried men do not earn much respect.
In fact, sugyani, akan word for bachelor, means one who fetches fire to cook. Cooking is traditionally reserved for women so sugyani does not earn much respect.
Will you marry after retirement?
If after retirement you find someone you love and who loves you back and appreciate the challenges of marriage after retirement, go after him or her and marry him or her.
Marriage goes beyond old age and sex. It is about sharing all areas of your life for life with a loved one. You are,therefore, not too old to marry. Take advantage of what new life in marriage after retirement brings.
In 1984, Harry Stephens, then 108, married his sweetheart who was 84 years in the USA. It is also on record that Minnie Munro was 102 when she married an 83- year-old man in Australia.
Beat these records if you can! Marriage at old age will rekindle your life as you share true love, support and companionship.
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Email jydboakye@yahoo.com. The writer is the director of eudoo counseling centre West Legon. He is also the author of ‘your guide to marriage’ love unlimited and the journey of love
Mob. 0208181861