To the men, here is how to avoid turning women off online

CONGRATULATIONS! You've decided to give the whole online dating thing a shot!

You've finally joined the 21st century and realised that it's time to get with the programme, master the duck face (yes, men are guilty of this pose, too) for a series of profile photos, convey your awesomeness in words, and hope to find your soulmate.

Online dating is the second most popular way to find love (the first being via friends), so why shouldn't it work for you just as well as it's worked for others?

Well, it can, and it will. But first, you need to realise how to sell yourself without being creepy or turning off a woman on dating sites, who might otherwise be charmed by you.

Here are ways not to turn women off online:

 Stop using the word "nice".

We get it: you're "nice," it would be "nice" to get to know us, the weather is "nice," and "nice" guys finish last so that's why you're here.

Get a thesaurus and redo that profile stat. Telling someone you're "nice" is the equivalent of saying everything is "fine," when we know it's not fine!

Shave your face.

"If I see one more dude with an ironic mustache staring back at me from OKCupid, I'm going to lose it. Isn't that over yet?" And this isn't even coming from someone who's looking for love in Brooklyn, but someone who's looking for love in Pittsburgh. But yes, gentlemen, lose the 'stache or at least commit to a full beard if you need to keep some fur on your face.

Don't lie about your height.

Starting off a potential chance for love with lies is never a wise idea. If you want to lie about your height to someone you never plan to meet, then by all means, go for it. But if you say you're 6'1", then show up to date and you're actually 5'7", well, you better have an entertaining excuse for that little "slip-up."

Quit your whining.

Yes, it's horrible that your ex cheated on you with your best friend when all you did was love her and give her everything she wanted. But hey, join the club. Playing the woe-is-me/martyr card is a killer like no other.

Wear clothes in your profile photos.

Seriously! We get that a guy with Ryan Gosling's abs probably wants to show them off, but an online dating profile isn't the place. You'll just look conceited.

Save the dirty talk for the bedroom.

 Similar to keeping those abs under wraps, keep those dirty thoughts out of your messages back and forth. You may think you have a great banter, so you tell her that you'd like to come to her office and show her a good time, and — WRONG. Even the kinkiest women have boundaries when it comes to someone they've just met.

Know your spelling and grammar.

If you really want to NOT turn a woman off, you better know your "your" from "you're," have there/their/they're figured out and at least have a high school level comprehension of punctuation. This one, above all, can either make or break it.

Learn to love clown hats.

"I've come to realize that a man who wears a weird costume-like hat in one of his profile photos is the guy for me.” You know what turns a woman off more than anything? A man who lacks a sense of humor.

Never EVER talk smack about a pet.

"When he noticed my dog in a photo he dared to say that small dogs are 'useless.' He told me about his dog, a chocolate lab, and dogs that size have a purpose because they're hunters — right before I reminded him we live in Chicago and his lab probably doesn't get much hunting done." It doesn't matter if you're a dog person, a cat person, or a no-animal person; keep your wonky opinions to yourself when it comes to a woman's bundle of furry joy. Nothing hath no fury like a woman who just endured a negative earful about her dog.