A talking child, a listening parent, a happy home!
Modern day parenthood could be more perplexing and refreshingly daunting than the days of old. Neighbours, relations and the entire community in actual fact could be relied on by parents to counsel their children and rebuke them where necessary. In a present day society, however, young people get more information from the Internet, newspapers etc, regardless of how misleading the information could be.
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Good communication is an important parenting skill. Good communication is the key to building self-esteem as well as mutual respect. The importance of a parent’s open and effective communication with their children cannot be overemphasised. Children begin to formulate ideas, beliefs and their personality based on how their parents communicate with them.
A child’s self-esteem is boosted and self-confidence built when parents communicate with them effectively.
A parent’s knowledge of a subject matter, their beliefs and how comfortably they could facilitate conversation with their children are undeniable factors that sustain qualitative communication with children. The extent and manner in which parents relate with their children are critical factors in the prevention of social vices such as crime and sex-related activities. Children whose parents provide sexuality education are arguably more likely to postpone sexual activity. Even at a stage when they become sexually active, they tend to have fewer sexual partners and are more likely to use contraceptives. Parents must as a matter of urgency teach children why values such as honesty, self-respect, and responsibility are important. Along with the information, parents must help their children develop good decision-making skills so that they can act on their own. Teaching your children how to analyse situations, identify various options, weighing the consequences of each option and making good decisions is very critical in the life a child.
Communication tips for parents
Knowing when, how and what to talk to your child makes a world of difference in getting them to open up.
A parent must notice the times when their children are most likely to talk, for example, at bedtime, in the car etc. As a parent, you must learn about your children's interests as well. Know things such as their favourite music, movies, hobbies etc and show interest in them. Always try to answer their questions. If you do not have an answer, find out and get back to them. Take note of how you communicate with your children by watching your tone of voice, facial expressions, gestures (non-verbal communication).
When your children are sharing their concerns, learn to listen, express interest in what they are saying without interrupting, let them complete their point before you respond. A parent must consciously avoid being prejudicial and judgmental in expressing ideas and feelings. Express your opinion without putting down theirs; acknowledge that it's okay to disagree. Resist arguing about who is right. Instead, say, "I know you disagree with me, but this is what I think."
Parents must be well informed especially in the broader areas that are of interest to their children so as to be more resourceful to children and give appropriate response in conversation. Considering the fact that all families have conflicts at one time or another, communication flow must be kept open even during family crisis. Children must also be taught forgiveness.
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Most often, a child will follow your lead in how they deal with anger and problems resolution. Realise your children may test you by telling you a small part of what is bothering them. Listen carefully to what they say, encourage them to talk and they may share the rest of the story. Parenting is hard work and maintaining good communication with children can be challenging, especially dealing with many other pressures of life. If you are having problems over an extended period of time, you might want to consider consulting with a counsellor. Parents should remember that they are not perfect, that they make mistakes.
Know your child’s friends
With the advent of technology and sophisticated nature of the items children of this century are exposed to, the detachment of children from their parents is getting more endemic. How can a parent build up the friendship in their children? Basically parents do not need to just verbally express friendships, but physical attributions matter a lot and when a child gets that from his parents, he becomes content and would not yearn for it elsewhere, making him less vulnerable. How many parents actually tell their children that they are special, handsome/beautiful etc? These things capably imbue self-belief and self-worth in children.
Also, if your child has friends, it is beautiful to invite them home for play date. Adults get to know a lot about their children by how their children communicate with other children.
One key ingredient missing in the art of communication between children and parents in the African community is the issue of TRUST. Let your children know you trust them. Children have sharp instincts and they can tell on the looks and reactions of their parents if they are not trusted.
Writer’s e-mail: chalsk312@yahoo.com