Children need quality time with parents

Some known rural communities and settlements which were in existence a couple of years ago have suddenly turned into large towns and cities because of increased population, expansion of homes and technology. The effect of this rapid expansion is felt on the family, especially children in their formative years.

The Convention on the Rights of the Child “defines a child as a person below the age of 18, unless the laws of a particular country set the legal age for adulthood younger”. Some have also come out with brackets of stages of growth and development which require specific tasks. These include the transitional periods from birth to six years, between six and 12 to 15 and 15 to 19. 

According to an Education Encyclopaedia, definitions of stages of growth in childhood are from many sources. Theorists such as Jean Piaget, Lev Vygotsky, Lawrence Kohlberg and Erik Erikson have provided ways to understand development, and recent research has provided important information regarding the nature of development. In addition, stages of childhood are defined culturally by the social institutions, customs and laws that make up a society.

Time was when children returned home from school to do their home work, help their parents with house chores, including the preparation of supper which is enjoyed as a family; then the rest of the evening was for parents to teach their children moral and traditional lessons. In some areas, these children played under supervision under the bright moonlight on a home compound or at the village square.

These activities assisted the children to grow into maturity. However, in many areas today, same cannot be said. Parents have become career-oriented professionals who work far away from home and have to travel through stressful traffic, in addition to the challenges that come with their work schedules. Some couples start their families independent of the larger family community. Thus, many career workers or professionals who are parents have little or no time with their children and these children are sometimes left in the care of nannies and teachers. Some parents also hire house helps, some of whom are too young to take care of their children.

A recent study conducted at the University of Michigan (Institute of Social Research) revealed that “working mothers spend an average of 11 minutes daily of quality time (defined as exclusive playing or teaching) with their children during weekdays and about 30 minutes per day on weekends. Fathers spend about eight minutes of quality time with their children on weekdays and 14 minutes on weekends. Non-working mothers spend 13 minutes per day of quality time with their children”.

Some family psychologists suggest that when children receive a lovely hug, a smile and an eye contact before and after bed from either parent and regularly during the day in the child’s formative years, it binds them together for life. This could be a challenge to many parents.

In Ghana, although little research exists as to how much quality time parents spend with their children, there is likely to be little or no difference with the American research. Today’s technological child will like to watch television more or play games on a mobile device, which was almost not available about a generation ago.

Some recommendations

Some childcare psychologists have urged parents to look at the duties they perform around the home, such as kitchen duties, cleaning, scrubbing, cooking, home maintenance, vehicle care, laundry and shopping, and see whether they can involve their children. Performing such chores together on even the most boring duties or just relaxing together may offer parents the time they need to keep open the lines of communication and provide positive examples.

Parents can be the friends of their children if they take interest in their affairs. This can be done by visiting them at school to encourage them, as well as appreciating their teachers; taking interest in their home work; sitting by them at the table while they eat; taking strolls with them before they go to bed and praying with them. A little hug and some rewards for good work done will go a long way to strengthen parent-child relationship.

Parents who are career or professional secular (8a.m.- 5p.m.) workers or with more demanding work schedules can also arrange to go on their annual leave at the time when their children are on vacation from school. This will afford them an opportunity to have more time with their growing children at home. During this time, they can visit places of interest which will assist the growth and development of the child. The child is like a sprouting plant; he/she must be watered and nurtured into growth, which is challenging. A well-trained child brings the rewards not only to the family, but to the entire community.

In the words of Virginia Satir, an American author and social worker known for her approach to family therapy: “Feelings of worth can flourish only in an atmosphere where individual differences are appreciated, mistakes are tolerated, communication is open and rules are flexible — the kind of atmosphere that is found in a nurturing family.” This requires time.