Curious dynamics of Ghanaian marriage ceremonies: Reflections on behaviour

Marriage ceremonies in Ghana are a beautiful blend of tradition, love and community.

When a couple agrees to marry, it sets off a chain of customary practices that bring both families together. The groom's family approaches the bride's family to formally ask for her hand in marriage.

Upon acceptance, the bride's family provides a list of items to be presented by the groom's family at the marriage ceremony.

This occasion, often hosted by the bride’s family, is a grand gathering where families, friends and the community unite to celebrate.

However, amidst the joy and festivity, I have observed a recurring pattern: a certain air of superiority and entitlement from the groom’s family during these events.

Having attended and coordinated numerous marriage ceremonies, especially from the bride’s side, I have noticed a consistent trend of the groom’s family demanding special treatment.

They often expect to be served first, seated in prime spots and given preferential attention. Any perceived slight, no matter how trivial, sometimes sparks unnecessary tension.

Here are a few experiences that stand out:

• Mysterious meal complaint: At one ceremony, I ensured every member of the groom’s family was served generously. Despite this, the bride approached me, saying her future sister-in-law complained about not being served.

When I went to address it, I was shocked—the sister-in-law had already received a large portion of everything. Her complaint evaporated the moment she saw me.

• The 30-minute delay: At another ceremony, the bride’s family faced a 30-minute delay in serving meals.

The groom’s family expressed their displeasure, refusing food when it was eventually served. Their visible frustration dampened the joyous atmosphere.

• Favour fiasco: In one instance, the groom’s sisters were visibly moody because one of their family members didn’t receive a favour.

This small issue turned into an attention-drawing moment that could have been easily overlooked.

• ‘Not enough for men’ incident: At another event, a groom’s family member loudly complained that a group of men had not been served enough food.

Upon investigation, they had been served, but the complainer felt the portions were inadequate simply because they were men.

What is worse, no one had even approached the servers for additional help.

Experiences

These experiences made me wonder: why is it so hard for families to exercise patience and tolerance at these ceremonies?

Are we losing sight of the purpose of such events—to unite two families in love and harmony? Interestingly, my experiences as part of the groom’s family have been markedly different.

Here are two contrasting examples:

• Calm family: My family once travelled six hours to attend a marriage ceremony. We stopped for breakfast along the way, so when we arrived, we assured the bride’s family there was no need to rush in providing refreshments.

Despite unforeseen disappointments with their caterers and coordinators, we remained calm, which put the bride’s family at ease. Their gratitude was evident.

• Handling delays with grace: On another occasion, the bride’s family delayed the programme by more than two hours. Though I felt anxious, I chose to wait patiently in my car.

The groom’s family, while expressing mild displeasure among themselves, refrained from displaying any negative attitudes.

This grace maintained the ceremony's decorum and ensured the focus remained on the couple.

Such composure is rare. Out of ten marriage ceremonies, perhaps only two families display this level of understanding and maturity.

Roles

Hosting and attending a marriage ceremony is no small feat. However, both hosts and guests can play crucial roles in ensuring these events are smooth and memorable for the right reasons.

For hosts:

i. Communicate clearly: Honest and timely communication with all stakeholders—family, vendors and coordinators—is essential.

ii. Engage happy ushers: Friendly and proactive ushers or coordinators can help manage guest expectations and defuse tension.

iii. Plan: Always schedule catering and rentals to arrive at least an hour before the event start time.

iv. Double-check everything: Conduct a comprehensive checklist as early as 6 a.m. on the event day.

For guests:

i. Be courteous and respectful: Understand that no event is perfect. Overlook minor inconveniences and focus on the bigger picture—the union of two families.

ii. Offer a helping hand: If something goes wrong, lend your support rather than criticise. Your assistance can turn a potential mishap into a moment of collaboration.

iii. Practice empathy: Put yourself in the shoes of the hosts. Recognise the effort and resources invested in making the day special for everyone.

Call for change

When families work together, even amidst inevitable mishaps, they demonstrate love and support that lay the foundation for a successful marriage.

Instead of focusing on perceived slights, let’s prioritise the joy and unity these ceremonies are meant to foster.

What are your experiences or expectations at marriage ceremonies? Have you encountered similar situations? Let us share and learn how we can create more harmonious celebrations for all.

The writer is a development & NGO management consultant.
E-mail: anita.ampofoa.ag@gmail.com