Heart of joyful service
Though social media has succeeded in bringing the people of the world so close to each other, this has not been without its challenges.
The self-promotion efforts, flaunting of personal successes and competitions to outdo each other in areas of entertainment, cooking, fashion, etc, can leave people in envy and constant comparison.
This culture does not serve teenagers well, as it can potentially entrench their focus on self deeply.
Adolescence is the period when young people naturally become more self-focused as they try to find themselves.
This is a developmental necessity.
Their quest to answer life’s big question: “Who am I?” while soaking in the social media pressure can drive them to a point where they become so inward-looking.
If left unchecked, our teenagers risk growing up without experiencing the joy of putting others first.
Teenagers who are hooked on social media are likely to accept that to succeed in life, they must always put themselves first, and that is unfortunate.
They will only end up missing out on what it means to have a heart that serves others joyfully.
This is why teenagers must be guided to understand that selflessness does not make one invisible or weak but rather wise, resilient, and respected.
Parents and caregivers must help them understand that strength is not in winning, independence or dominance as it is portrayed in the virtual world.
Parents sacrifice a lot for their children and expect them to return such kindness when they reach the age of accountability.
Unfortunately, most children born in this dispensation begin to recognise parents as their subjects who must pander to their whims.
They want others to sacrifice for their benefit, but will not lift a finger to help.
It is not too late to model the behaviour pattern of self-sacrifice and service that are very important in society.
Teens also benefit much from watching adults authentically emulate selflessness.
The willingness to use time and resources to serve people and the community, the readiness to apologise when offended, and the empathy shown in everyday situations teach them to be real too, eschewing hypocrisy.
Selflessness should be defined in terms of emotional intelligence and moral courage, evident in acts of humility and service.
These discussions should be part of the inspirational talks about their need to achieve and be independent.
The ability to put themselves in others’ shoes or see things from the perspective of others, to forgive those who hurt them, spend time teaching/ helping other friends in school, and the boldness to hold their unpopular point of view or opinion are all traces of behaviour that we must pay attention to and talk about.
Merits of growth must include the opportunity to volunteer to serve in a community or take up roles to help care for younger siblings at home, etc.
Teenagers must also learn the difference between healthy, joyful service and unhealthy people-pleasing.
That balance should be emphasised to prevent them from neglecting their own needs or saying yes to unreasonable requests and demands that may put them at risk.
Our young girls, especially, must be taught well so that others will not take advantage of their serviceable nature, which may be shrouded in naïveté.
Teens are wired to think about themselves, their image, future, identity, acceptance and worth.
They should not be shamed for being “self-centred”. They must be helped to see that selflessness is an enviable strength necessary for fulfilment.
The best way to help teens find themselves is to guide them to lose themselves in the service of others.
The resulting feelings of joy, satisfaction, and inner peace are enduring and unprecedented.
The Writer is a Child development expert/ Fellow of the Zero-To-Three Academy, USA.
E-mail: nanaesi.gaisie@wellchildhaven.com
