Understanding Threenagers
Parenting three-year-olds based on a fair knowledge of what to expect from these young ones can place the adults in their lives in a more confident position.
They are described as ‘threenagers’ because they can possess the demeanour and attitude of teenagers at three years.
At this unique age, the child’s moral compass begins to form, therefore requiring parents/caregivers to make deliberate strategies that set the tone for developing acceptable social norms and behaviour.
From age two, children are already building an attachment relationship with the adults in their lives by learning who these adults are, what they will allow them to do freely, and what they are permitted to do or otherwise.
They start pushing boundaries as a way of seeking their independence, all the while adjusting to that which the adults tolerate.
They continue seeking to have their way like teenagers looking for their identity.
Common behaviour
One common behaviour is the tendency to interrupt adult conversations and phone calls because they are excited and have something to say.
This tendency must be nipped in the bud, and the children taught to learn to wait.
This is the lesson they have to learn in order to be considerate of others. Children who get away with this behaviour can extend it to others.
They end up feeling entitled to other people’s attention and become frustrated when their needs are not met.
Through verbal and non-verbal means, they must be taught that they won’t necessarily get what they want by interrupting.
Rude and aggressive behaviour must also be frowned upon so that they will learn that it’s not okay to hurt others.
Aggressive behaviour
Aggressive behaviour should be confronted immediately and the child removed from the situation.
This will help develop self-control.
At this age, they can pretend not to hear their name being called and other instructions too.
Every concern about hearing should, however, be investigated rather than hoping in false assurances that it will be well with time.
Inasmuch as every parent will be proud to have a toddler who can do things for themselves like get their shoes or diapers etc., they should not be allowed to control activities without the express consent of parents.
Letting them control activities that parents/caregivers should be regulating, like turning on the TV by themselves, teaches them that they don’t need to follow rules.
Establishing two or three rules and helping them follow it can prepare them for natural adaptations they will have to make when they start school.
Rules are important to provide structure and keep children safe.
This is an important age for them to start learning the importance of rules.
This is the age at which children also begin to learn to roll their eyes and put up some sassy behaviours which they mimic from other children or adults.
They must be made aware that it’s not okay to interact that way with others. Ignoring it can rather be a set up for raising a disrespectful child.
Consequences
Imposing consequences helps them to appreciate what is acceptable and what is not. Positive consequences encourage them to repeat their actions.
They may also begin to tell lies or exaggerate.
This is a good age to set expectations for honesty.
Threenagers begin to discover that lies can help avoid punishment or make them look better.
Children are more likely to continue in this way when afraid of being punished.
Every time they are dishonest, parents and caregivers can use the opportunity to teach them about honesty.
Understand their motivation for lying and insist the right thing is done.
A threenager is a miniature teenager at heart!
The writer is a Child Development Expert/ Fellow at Zero-to-three Academy, USA.
E-mail: nanaesi_19@yahoo.co.uk