Hello dear!

This is a true story.

A young man was in dire need of a job, so he contacted a friend who tried her very best to secure him one.

After the final interview with his would-be employer, the unemployed man got home and decided to text his soon-to-be ‘boss’, a woman.

Guess what? The opening statement of his text read: Hello odo yewu (to wit: my endless love).

To cut a long story short, the young man lost the job. His would-be employer did not take kindly to that ‘endearment’ – ‘my endless love’ and decided not to offer him the job.

How many times have you not had people whom you have met for barely five seconds go on with glee to address you as “dear”, “sweetheart”, “my love” etc. A lot of stories abound.

There are people who are very ‘generous’ with doling out endearing words.

Most of them think they are simply being nice or friendly.

When to use endearing words

Certainly, there are times when it is appropriate to use those terms of endearment.

The first and common situation is when you are in a romantic relationship with that person.

For most people in love, calling each other with ‘pet’, sweet or flattery words are common and does not raise eyebrows.

In fact, using terms of endearment in such relationship is sweet, intimate and affectionate. Studies have shown that people who use endearing words in relationships are happier than those who do not.

Interestingly, there are people in relationships who would only use endearing words when they need something from their partner. Using endearing words is also common with vendors or salespersons. They may ‘charm’ you with endearing words just to gain your patronage for their products.

It could also be with family, close friends, children or people who are comfortable with the terms of endearment.

A contributor to an article on terms endearment said when the endearing word is coming from a significantly older person, she is okay with it and would not mind. “In a weird way it makes me feel like I’m going to be taken care of,” she said.

However, it is not appropriate to use terms of endearment for people you do not know and are not sure will be comfortable with that. How do you feel when someone you do not know calls you ‘sweetheart’?

Are you being friendly or annoying?

You should also try to stay away from using words of endearment in a professional setting such as work or school. Sometimes using terms of endearment can be seen as unprofessional or patronising. If you want to use them in a professional environment as a compliment, remember not to overuse them.

The gender of an older person matters. If it is coming from a woman it may seem okay but how would you feel if an older man you barely know refers to you (young female) as “honey”? Would you feel loved or does it sound weird?

The jurisdiction is also important. According to a BBC article, if you call a French person "honey" ("miel") he or she may take it as “an unflattering comparison with a sticky mess”, whereas it is perfectly okay to call someone ‘honey’ in some other places.

In the UK, some terms of endearment are used casually even for total strangers but this is not accepted in the Ghanaian culture. For most Spanish speaking countries, calling others by their pet or nicknames is the norm.

Using terms of endearment is meant to be affectionate communication, but remember you have to be sure the person at the receiving end is comfortable with it.

Writer’s E-mail: rebecca.kwei@graphic.com.gh