Women need to celebrate one another
There are two types of women.Those who get things done, and those who gossip about others. I would go even further to say that women in Ghana especially share one another’s misery. Now, permit me to state my case.
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Last month in London, a prestigious international awards ceremony took place. It was a swanky affair that was all about celebrating the best achievements of African women.
Among the prestigious winners of the Women4Africa Awards were the likes of the first female Bank Manager in Kenya, Dr Mary Okello, the first
African female to pilot a Boeing 787, Captain Irene Mutungi, as well as the Head of Anti Human Trafficking Division of the Ghana Police Service, Superintendent Patience Naa Ashorkor Quaye, and a philanthropist and Chief Executive Officer (CEO) of Anita Hotel, Kumasi, Madam Sefa Boakye.
Most people were moved by the acceptance speech of Supt Quaye. She called on all to be aware of the signs of human trafficking and report any suspected case to the police. She also struck a particular cord with me when she spoke about the challenges she continued to face in her career as a female police officer, often at the hands of other females. This is an issue I recognised only too well; the ability of our women to tear one another down and provide support only when there is bad news.
Her speech brought to mind many such incidents; one in particular that occurred recently here in Ghana. I was at a gathering of female leaders to discuss ways in which we could positively influence the lives of young people within our communities.
Power struggles
While the focused, passionate and dedicated women got on with the day’s business, some others were more interested in power struggles, making snide remarks and engaging in generally petty, unpleasant behaviour towards fellow female leaders for no discernible reason.
Now, do not miscontrue what I say; I do not claim to love every single Ghanaian woman I know or meet. As a matter of fact, I can think of a few that I wouldn’t have around for dinner and I’m sure the feeling is mutual.However, I’m also a firm believer in the maxim, ‘to each their own’.
While I have no problem defending myself against any attacks on my person or character, I see no value in trying to tear another woman down without justification simply because I dislike her. Frankly, I would rather apply my energies to more productive pursuits and stay well clear.
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It is a subject that often comes up in conversation, usually with male colleagues; how women are so easily able to support one another emotionally and discuss matters in a way that men are unable to. This assumes that women are more advanced emotionally and are, therefore, supportive of one another no matter what.
Perceived support for one another
I disagree. Observe a group of Ghanaian women closely in any social setting over a period of time and it becomes apparent that the perceived support for one another, although it does exist, is almost always related to some kind of misfortune. Ghanaian women simply love to see the misery of our fellow women and it is at those times that we are at our supportive best.
With cries of ‘It shall be well’ ... ‘God’s time is the best’ and ‘It is God’s will’ and my personal favourite, ‘By God’s grace,’ we console not the sufferer, but ourselves that someone else is more miserable than we are and, therefore, all is right with the world.
As soon as a fellow woman receives recognition, achieves something profound or makes it to a certain position in business or profession, we promptly gather to find flaws in her character, spreading malicious gossip and rumours aimed at tarnishing her image and destroying her confidence.
Unreasonable jealousies
This trend permeates all levels of our society from the highest professional offices to the average woman on the streets. The unreasonable jealousies that appear to dog our relationship with one another never ceases to intrigue me.
There are, however, some rare, albeit very few, women in Ghana who are able to transcend the negativity and work in tandem with others to achieve real change. These women, despite the many challenges they face, are intent on simply getting on with business. And often, they get things done.
We cannot all be friends but we can show one another mutual respect as a matter of course. If we are able to hold another up in times of misery, we should equally be able to celebrate one another’s achievements. If we cannot bring ourselves to do so, for goodness sake, at least, let us, as women, refrain from tearing one another down. Only then can we, in all honesty, fight the many societal attitudes that hinder our progress.