Complacency, the silent destroyer in relationships
The RMS Titanic was built to provide transatlantic travel business.
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Using the most advanced technology at the time, Titanic became the largest ship, unsurpassed in luxury and opulence. It was also thought to be unsinkable. When the builder was asked how safe the Titanic was, he said, ‘Not even God can sink it’. Well, God accepted the challenge. The ship sank on April 1912 on her maiden voyage.
One thousand, five hundred and twenty-three people, about two-thirds of the people on board including famous millionaires, industrialists, car magnates and film producers perished with it.
God accepted the challenge in style. The Titanic wasn’t sunk by thunder, submarine guns, bombs or fire. It was sunk by the commonest and the most abundant substance on earth – water and in this case solidified water or ice.
Most marriages can be likened to the Titanic. Couples celebrate the sacrament of matrimony. They exchange vows to stay together till death do them part. They light a candle together to symbolise that Christ the light of the world is in their midst.
They look set to hit the ground running. Soon, partners fall into daily routines fuelled by many responsibilities. The husband focuses on his work and the wife her children. Career, children, friends, extended family and work compete for attention, time and energy.
Soon partners forget what marriage is about and take each other for granted. They simply become complacent, have an over-confident satisfaction with themselves or have a feeling of smugness, which makes them ignore important issues in their marriage.
Signs of complacency
You are in pursuit of money, power or recognition at the expense of your marriage. You have made it big and think money is all you need to have a happy marriage. You have stayed together for long and assume that is enough to show you love each other.
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You are too busy to make time for your marriage and spiritual development. Young men and women who were very active in church soon find it hard to attend mass, pray and read the Bible together or take part in church activities.
Marriage revolves around emotions. A woman’s topmost needs are affection, companionship, family commitment and financial support. A man’s topmost needs are respect, sex, an attractive wife and domestic care. If emotional needs are not met, partners lose their interest in the marriage and become apathetic.
For example, men are visually stimulated. They love to see their women dressed attractively but in some cases, a lady, slim or ‘ateaa’ who used to dress gorgeously and very much in shape now becomes obese or ‘obolo’.
Does not fix her hair, has no make-up and would wear just anything because she feels she has already won her man. If you lose your attraction for each other, your marriage becomes stale.
The danger of complacency
Complacency drains excitement, freshness, affection and intimacy. You do not listen with understanding or make mutual decisions. Commitment, drive and passion fade gradually and the marriage becomes stale. You gradually fall apart.
You take your spouse for granted and assume your spouse will always be there for you no matter what happens. You say and do things without reflecting on them because you assume you already know your spouse and how he or she reacts to every situation.
The fact is, assumptions may lead you to misinterpret your lover’s actions and feelings. You may assume your spouse knows you love him or her and so do not need to reaffirm your love.
You may, therefore, take for granted that your spouse needs to feel wanted, loved and appreciated to motivate him or her to give his or her best. You forget or fail to realise that marriage is about companionship which requires an emotional link that must be stimulated and reinforced constantly. Like the Titanic, you assume all is well but sooner or later your marriage sinks when you least expect it.
• To be continued