Living with a lion: Esenam Drah’s fight with bipolar disorder

For the past decade, 31-year-old Esenam Abra Drah has lived with what she described as “ a lion inside her”, a force that lies dormant in moments of stability but awakens unpredictably in waves of mania, depression, hallucinations and self-doubt.

Yet, despite its ferocity, this “lion” called bipolar disorder has not silenced her. Instead, it has fuelled her to lend her voice to others still trapped in its shadows.

In an interview with The Mirror in Accra last Tuesday, Miss Drah opened up about her journey from a 2015 diagnosis, which led to a year of denial, spiritual searching, academic setbacks, broken friendships, job loss, and ultimately, self-acceptance.

“Living with a bipolar disorder is like having a lion for a pet. When you’re stable, it’s asleep. But during an episode, it wakes up and can destroy everything, your peace, your relationships, your reputation,” she explained.

Now an advocate for mental health awareness, Miss Drah is helping to break the silence and stigma surrounding mental illness in Ghana.

Childhood
Born and raised in Tema, Accra, Miss Drah recounted growing up in a middle-class household where her father worked as a journalist and her mother, a banker.

She began her education at the Sakumono School Complex before moving to Holy Child Roman Catholic Basic School in Tema. She later attended Holy Child School in Cape Coast for her secondary education.

She added that she went on to the University of Ghana for a Bachelor’s degree in French and Linguistics. Noting that although she excelled academically and lacked almost nothing during her childhood, she recalled feeling persistently insecure and self-critical.

“I struggled with deep inferiority and impostor syndrome. I thought I was ugly, discontent and unlikable. I admired others for their confidence and wished I could be like them. Looking back, I think that’s when it all started, but I assumed it was just part of my personality,” she said.

Breaking point and diagnoses
Recalling what the breaking point was, which led to her diagnosis, she mentioned that it was in her second year at the university.

“A break-up with my first boyfriend triggered sadness and confusion that just wouldn’t go away,” she said. I withdrew from everything. I lost my appetite, couldn’t sleep and felt like I had no one who truly liked me,” she said.

She explained that it was when symptoms such as hallucinations and depression began that the manic episodes followed. Her family initially went for spiritual solutions, visited churches and prayed fervently, but the symptoms only intensified until her father suggested medical help. 

“I felt relieve sometimes, but I was scared. I thought I was going crazy. A psychologist first misdiagnosed me with schizophrenia. Later, a neighbourhood psychiatrist correctly diagnosed me with bipolar disorder,” she said.

Academic decline
Even after receiving the right diagnosis, Miss Drah said she struggled with acceptance. “I didn’t believe it. I refused my medications and applied therapy resolutions. I believed in the power of God, so I kept telling myself that ‘by His stripes, I am healed,’ so I expected a miracle,” she said.

The condition only worsened. “I couldn’t focus. I once sat in front of an exam paper completely blank because I couldn’t prepare adequately. I had to resit that course. One lecturer who didn’t know about my condition called me lazy and unserious. I wrote that paper in tears,” she explained.

Fresh start in Benin
A fresh start came for Miss Drah when she won a scholarship to study French in Benin.

“It was a fresh start. I decided to accept my fate. I became compliant with my medication, which made me sleep better, the hallucinations faded, and my grades improved. I even built better relationships,” she said.

Bipolar disorder
Miss Drah described bipolar disorder as a condition with deceptive calm. “People may look fine on the outside. But during episodes, there are racing thoughts, hallucinations, impulsive spending, grandiosity, insomnia, excessive generosity and agitation.

Some people also get loud on social media, others lash out, and some completely isolate,” she explained.
Having learned to identify her triggers, she now sets firm personal boundaries.
“Like office hours, I have personal hours. If it’s not urgent, don’t call me after 9 p.m. I need that rest to protect my mind,” she noted.

Cost of treatment
Touching on the cost of treatment, she said managing the condition isn’t cheap. “I take four and a half pills daily; mood stabilisers and antipsychotics. My dosage is higher than most because everyone’s system is different,” she explained.

Her monthly medication, she noted, costs an average GH¢1,400, excluding therapy and consultations. She added that she goes for therapy sessions every three months and was grateful that her psychologist lived nearby, which helped to reduce costs.

Stigma and job loss
Miss Drah has not been spared the sting of stigma. One of her most painful experiences was being fired from a teaching job.

“I confided in a colleague who leaked it to school authorities. They dismissed me, claiming it wasn’t appropriate for someone with my condition to teach, even though I was stable and compliant with treatment,” she said.

That moment marked a turning point. “I told myself, ‘I’m done hiding.’ In March 2020, I launched my YouTube channel, Mental Health Headquarters, as a platform for advocacy.”

Today, Miss Drah lives openly, loves freely and continues to advocate for mental health awareness.
“I’ve had relationships since my first heartbreak. I love to love,” she laughed. “I disclose my condition early in any new relationship or friendships, not out of fear, but out of honesty. It’s part of who I am.”

She acknowledged that stigma persists in Ghana and hoped that lived experience expertise would be respected just as professional expertise. 

Still, she remains grounded in joy. She enjoys movies, solo beach walks and ice cream dates with herself.
“My hobbies are more than pastimes, they’re self-care rituals. I also say daily affirmations: ‘I am beautiful. I am intelligent. I am enough, ’ she said.

Writer’s Email: appreygloria@gmail.com