FRIENDSHIP in marriage creates a space of intimacy where two hearts share their deepest thoughts and feelings.
When you feel accepted and approved as a friend, it becomes easy to open up to each other. You become genuinely interested in your spouse—how he or she feels, what matters to them and what makes them come alive.
With true friendship in marriage, your activities and interests become richer because you share them with your favourite person. You enjoy more of the things you do because of your connection with your loved one.
You naturally discover new ways to spend time together and share new experiences.
A good friendship with your spouse enriches every area of your life.
On the other hand, friendship without marriage does not work. You must, therefore, desire to build your marriage on friendship.
Building friendship in marriage
Building friendship takes hard work and time. It involves sacrifice, compromise, perseverance and prayer.
This must begin before courtship, because if you enter marriage driven only by romantic love, that love will fade, and you may feel as if you married a stranger. Without friendship as a foundation, your marriage becomes vulnerable.
As you grow older, your body slows down, you lose many friends and your personal needs increase. You will need greater help from your spouse.
This is why you must declare your commitment to friendship even before marriage and maintain it throughout your lifetime together.
Put your marriage first and make quality time for it. Be physically and mentally present at home with your spouse.
If this means turning down other opportunities, requests or social demands, so be it. Nothing can replace a fulfilling friendship in marriage.
The greatest attraction in marriage is the companionship you share. Marital happiness increases with the quality time partners spend together because intimacy grows when you share your lives.
Companionship builds a positive self-image, security and peace of mind.
Today, many Ghanaian wives are lonely, frustrated and sometimes depressed—even when they have everything—because their husbands are never at home.
A husband must understand that a woman defines much of her identity through the quality of her relationship with her husband.
She desires closeness, to be listened to, valued, appreciated, wanted and cherished. She gains emotional fulfilment in talking, sharing and connecting with her man.
Your woman wants you—not just the house or the money.
A wife must also make herself and her home attractive to her husband. Let your home be a healing centre and haven—a place of joy and pride for him.
Respect your husband and submit to him. Surround him with peace and love.
Establish daily habits
Doing things together is a simple but powerful message of love. Couples who share activities form stronger emotional bonds and cope better with stress.
Have at least one meal together each day. It offers a chance to relax, be physically close and communicate warmly about your thoughts, plans and experiences at home, church and in the community.
Shower together. Bathing your spouse makes them feel cared for, pampered and loved. It helps both partners relax, as the gentle water soothes the body.
In marriage, you become one flesh and must not be ashamed before each other (Gen. 2:25). Share the same room and the same bed, and where possible, go to bed at the same time.
Sleep close to each other and make love often, because it is the deepest form of communication. Regular sex benefits the body, reduces stress and strengthens your bond. Nothing builds friendship better than fulfilling intimacy.
Have common interests, because shared activities deepen your friendship. Try new hobbies, engage in physical activities, take walks together or enjoy games you both like. Take short trips away from town to enrich your relationship.
Speak the language of love through acts of service. A husband may help his wife in the kitchen or clean the bedroom, while a wife may assist her husband in fixing things around the house. No task is too small to build a friendship.
Hold hands and touch each other often. Physical touch calms anxiety, offers reassurance, reduces stress and blood pressure and strengthens your bond.
Touching, caressing, cuddling and holding each other are powerful bonding agents.
Exchange gifts regularly because gifts are expressions of love. When you give, you show that your spouse is valuable and appreciated.
Gifts increase intimacy and motivate kindness in return. They don’t have to be expensive—it’s the thought that matters.
Celebrate your marriage. Friendship grows when you celebrate one another. Create rituals and traditions that give continuity, security, and good memories.
Take occasional trips or invite friends and family for a simple meal or drink.
Communicate effectively
Your words have the power of life and death in your marriage. Positive words protect, heal, calm anger, prevent trouble, and encourage. Simple expressions like “I love you,” “please,” and “thank you” generate warmth and kindness.
Speak the truth in love and with gentleness because a gentle answer brings joy. When you use your voice positively, it blesses your spouse—and the blessing returns to you.
Regular, effective communication builds friendship. Affirm each other daily. Speak about each other’s strengths.
A kind word lifts your spouse’s spirit. Pleasant words are like honeycomb—sweet and healing. Create pet names to express warmth and affection.
Conflicts are inevitable because they are part of life. See conflicts as tests of your love, humility, faithfulness, loyalty, maturity and self-control.
When handled well, conflicts strengthen your friendship. Good friendship is often forged through adversity.
Forgive each other unconditionally because unforgiveness harms both your relationship and your own well-being. God also does not forgive those who refuse to forgive their spouses.
Your spouse, your best friend
To build a good friendship in marriage, be gentle, honest, loyal, trustworthy and considerate. Appreciate your differences and use your strengths to support each other because iron sharpens iron (Proverbs 27:17).
Whenever you see your spouse in need, make every sacrifice to help them feel good about themselves.
Be faithful because a good friend loves at all times (Proverbs 17:17). Believe in each other and show a genuine spirit of self-sacrifice, laying down your life for your spouse (John 15:13).
Accept your spouse as they are—with their strengths and weaknesses. Each day, build each other up (Proverbs 27:6). Be present for one another and move forward together.
Love at all times and treat your spouse the way you want to be treated (Luke 6:31). You must be a good friend to have a good friend in your spouse.
Research shows that couples who are good friends live longer, enjoy better health, and are less prone to mental illness.
Being a good friend is the only way to nurture your marriage. You are called not only to God but also to each other in love.
A friendship built on trust in God, honesty, commitment, dependability, mutual care, communication and resilience is like building your house on a rock—strong and unshakable. A loving and intimate marriage becomes inevitable.
Let friendship with your spouse be the mother of all your friendships. Each day, let your spouse truly be your best friend.
The writer is the Director of Eudoo Counselling Centre, West Legon, and the author of Your Guide to Marriage, Love Unlimited and The Journey of Love.
Email: jydboakye@yahoo.com
Mob: 020 818 1861
