Stop the blame game

Human nature is selfish. We fight for what we want — when and how we want it. When our needs are not met, we often turn to our lovers for blame.

We ignore the lump in our own eyes while criticising the speck in theirs. When something goes wrong, our natural tendency is to point fingers. 

You think you’re right and your lover is wrong. She thinks she’s right and you’re wrong. This endless cycle is what we call the blame game.

How the game works

Your lover says or does something that displeases you. It might be a genuine mistake or an error in judgment, but instead of reflecting on your own part, you focus on the fault and accuse your partner.

One blames, the other defends. Soon, the real issue is lost in a flood of accusations.

Past mistakes are brought up, irrelevant issues are revisited, and the conversation shifts from what can be done to who is at fault.

A boy was running late for school. His father blamed his mother for the delay. She defended herself, and one thing led to another.

In the heat of their argument, they exchanged harsh words — in front of their child. The child didn’t go to school that day, and those hurtful words eventually cost them their marriage.

As this shows, the blame game never solves problems.

Effects of the blame game

When you blame your lover, you begin to see them both as the problem and the solution. You tell yourself that if only they behaved differently, you’d be happy.

Negative emotions grow, resentment builds, and conflicts multiply. Over time, frustration can lead to emotional or even physical harm. For many, separation or divorce becomes the unfortunate outcome.

How to stop the blame game

Take responsibility for your role in whatever happens in your relationship. When things go wrong, ask yourself, What could I have done differently?

Remember, you are in charge of your own emotions. No one can make you angry unless you allow it. Your lover or the issues you face should not control your life.

Stop shifting responsibility. You cannot change your partner, but by improving your own behaviour and attitude, you can inspire positive change in them.

Sometimes, accepting blame — even when the issue isn’t entirely your fault — can help. It takes two to fight. Many conflicts end the moment one person humbly apologises.

A sincere apology diffuses tension; it never fuels the fire. Avoid saying or doing what your lover hates, especially in anger, because those are the moments you’ll regret most.

Talk about real issues. Make mutual decisions about matters that affect both of you. Research shows that shared decision-making is one of the things women find most fulfilling in a relationship. When you work as a team, there’s little room for blame.

Can you stop the game?

It isn’t easy to stop playing the blame game — especially because we often hurt the people we love most.

When you constantly look for faults, your mind will find them, even where none exist. Over time, this mindset can destroy your relationship.

If there’s one thing that can ruin love, it’s blame. Make every effort to stop the yelling, complaining, criticism, and name-calling. These actions don’t build your partner — they break them. Remember, every relationship problem is shared. When you focus only on your lover’s faults, nobody wins.

If you’re always blaming your partner and changing relationships, maybe it’s time to ask: What’s the common denominator?

Take responsibility for your part. Don’t be a victim of your own blame game. Point your finger not at your lover but at yourself.

You alone can fix your marriage or relationship. God has given you the freedom and wisdom to make choices — use them responsibly.

When you take personal responsibility and stop the blame game, you open the door to healing, growth and a truly fulfilling relationship.

(jydboakye.yahoo.com)
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