Good & Healthy Relationship Advice & Tips

Marriage is universal because you find it in every human society of the world. The main purpose of marriage is companionship, support, sex, parenting and spiritual development but people marry for all reasons you can think about – personal benefit, money, power, personality and lifestyle. 

Three years ago a lady in a difficult marriage confessed she married her husband because he dresses good!

Benefits of marriage

The married are emotionally and physically healthier than singles. You have improved immune system and lower rate of cancer, stroke and heart disease.  You have lower rate of psychiatric disorders and you express higher levels of happiness. 

The married are more productive, richer and live longer than singles. In Ghana, marriage is a big social symbol and adults who do not marry do not earn much respect. 

In fact sugyani, Akan word for bachelor, means one who fetches fire to cook. In our tradition cooking is reserved for women and men who cook are seen as irresponsible. 

Marriage, therefore, has many benefits and all Ghanaian adults are expected to marry.

Benefits of the church

According to Gyekye (2003) religious awareness of the existence of some ultimate supreme being centres all aspects of African life, so fully determining practically every aspect of life. 

According to Mbiti (1969) the African is ‘notoriously’ religious; his whole life is wrapped up in religion and unseen powers, which help him to form right relationships.

Church is essential for our holistic development. It gives us the chance to pray, read the word of God, grow a communal life and lead a godly life. The Bible command Christians to go to church (Heb.10 v 25). 

It is also a fact that women are more religious than men. According to Boakye (2011), a woman draws from the mysteries of God better than a man. She perceives the proximity of God in her life and enters into closer relationship with God more than a man because a man tends to be more logical and practical than a woman. 

A woman therefore attends church, prays and has greater faith more than a man. 

On the other hand, Boakye (2011) states that men tend to take up leadership positions in church because men are natural leaders who get emotional fulfilment as they lead and direct. Most heads of churches are therefore men.

The challenge

Most Christians are unable to draw a balance between marriage and church. Some men of God are so occupied with church activities that they abandon their families for office work, meetings, long crusades and evangelism leaving their wives lonely and their children free to do whatever pleases them.

Some wives of pastors are in illicit affairs while their children develop many behavioural problems like substance abuse, stealing and sexual promiscuity because the ‘holy man’ is always absent from home.

Some women also spend most of their time in church for ‘all night’, anointing services, deliverance and society meetings, leaving their husbands lonely and frustrated. 

Others have become victims of manipulations of fake pastors. Some women are vulnerable to spiritual matters and will do anything a pastor tells them including ‘holy bath’ and offering a chunk of their capital as ‘seed of faith’. 

Some pastors have numerous girlfriends that may be married among their congregation because these women never say no to a pastor. 

There is this case of a pastor who said his anointing is in his sperms and many women, some highly educated women, queued for it. 

Women! They use their marriage time in church and create marital problems. Instead of facing the realities of the effect of their domestic neglect they simply spiritualise every marital problem as caused by evil spirits and spend more time in church praying about their marriage. 

The more they spend time in church the more they see their marital problems grow and the more they spend time in church! 

Drawing a balance

Both marriage and church are important and Christians cannot choose between them but to draw a good balance. First appreciate that marriage is a vocation or calling to serve God by what you do for your spouse. 

Marriage is worship and in fact the primary church. St Augustine, therefore, calls the family a ‘little church’. Your marriage is more important than church because it offers you a practical way of serving God by what you do for your spouse.

You must, therefore, put your marriage ahead of your church activities and then make room for church activities, work and other social activities. 

Give to Caesar what is Caesor’s and to God what is God’s. Never spend the time you should spend with your families doing anything in church. God will not listen to your prayers if you short-change your marriage time for church issues.  

On the other hand, if you keep a good balance, one will complement the other and you will benefit from both your marriage and church.