Good & Healthy Relationship Advice & Tips

In the past, many wives were homemakers. They stayed at home to take care of the home and the family. Today, however, with the biting economic pressure, most families can’t afford this luxury.

The woman must work to contribute to the upkeep of the home. Even in cases where a man can afford everything, many women have acquired skills they want to put use to. 

Many wives and husbands, therefore, leave home and come back very late. Care of children and home become a big problem. This is when house helps come in handy. You must, however, know how to handle your house help to get the best out of him or her.

Handling house helps

Make a mutual decision: In many cases, the problems of house helps begin even before he or she goes to live with a family. A man may not want it but a woman may want it. The house help then becomes an innocent victim of disagreement between the couple.

It is also important you agree on the terms of the stay. Talk about the length of stay and conditions of service. You must take your house help as your own child and give him or her conditions that would ensure his or her basic rights and privileges such as good food, medication and a descent accommodation.

Train your house help

 Many house helps come in completely ignorant of the facilities in a modern home. Teach him or her what you want him or her to do, how to relate to people, especially to your children. 

Ensure that you do not put all the responsibility of the home on her shoulders. Your children must help with the house chores. Today, there are many lady graduates who cannot cook, wash or take care of the home because they had house helps to do everything for them. This comes at a great cost to their marriages.

Show love and understanding 

Most house helps are adolescents. They engage in self-scrutiny and think everybody is watching them. They also tend to take risky decisions because they think they are invulnerable. 

They have a feeling of exaggerated importance and may act contrary to the norms and values of the family they are staying with. They are easily attracted to the opposite sex so make it easy for your house help to talk to you.

Create privacy for your marriage: It is not healthy for a female house help to cook for your husband, wash his panties, bed spread and iron them. She may end up warming the matrimonial bed as well.

A wife must put the focus on herself. Be loving and attractive to your husband instead of dressing your house help poorly or maltreating her so that she does not attract your husband. 

You must also make time for your husband and respect him. If you disrespect your husband and leave everything your husband needs in the care of your house help, you break down your man’s ego. He will attempt to restore it by going in for someone who respects him and takes care of his needs. Time and space make the house help a prospective candidate for a sit-in wife

Builders or destroyers?

Many years ago, a very popular lady politician left her matrimonial home. It came to light that she was too busy to have time for her husband and the home. She did not respect her husband and always nagged him. 

She was very cruel to the house help and often called her a witch because she thought the house help was responsible for anything that was not going well in her personal life. 

It was when the house help got pregnant by her husband that she regretted and admitted she had placed her husband in the hands of a house help. The lecturer married the young woman and claims it is the best thing that happened to him.

Some house helps have been so good that the family they stay with keep them for life. Some find their relatives for them to marry and they have mutual satisfaction for their relationship.

 House helps are, therefore, neutral agents. It is how you deal with them that determines the health of your marriage. If you maltreat your house help, she could take over your marriage, abuse your children or cause you irreparable damage. However, with understanding, love and care, you can use your house help to build your family. 

Email jydboakye02yahoo.com.

The writer is the director of Eudoo Counselling Centre, West Legon. He is also the author of Your Guide to Marriage, Love Unlimited and The journey of Love.