Good & Healthy Relationship Advice & Tips

In the past, you lived like a king if you were a student in the university. Each student had a room and a pigeon hole to himself or herself to indicate he or she is officially known in the hall.

Today, however, tens of thousands of students are in universities with limited accommodation for students. Many students end up pairing with others unofficially. The situation is called ‘perching’.

A ‘percher’ is not known officially and can only sneak around. He can be ejected anytime. We also have ‘perching’ in relationship when you get into a relationship with someone who is married or in serious and well-known relationships.

Why perch?

Some women believe singles are hard to find. More younger and beautiful girls have invaded the marriage market. Many, therefore, make do with men who are married or taken. 

Some women believe married men make better lovers because they are experienced in handling women. They are patient and tolerant. They make relationships exhilarating, exciting and passionate. 

He treats you like a queen and takes you where single men wouldn’t. He provides for your needs – phones, clothing, food, rent and utilities. 

There are also those who ‘perch’ just for social recognition for being in a relationship with popular politicians or sportsmen.

The married man in an affair

Most married men get into relationships just for fun. The brain stimulates the production of chemicals that appear to half his intelligent quotient because he can’t think rationally about his girlfriend. 

He goes out very often to expensive places where he never goes with his wife. Some buy tickets for their girls when their wives do not have travelling documents. Some buy cars for their girlfriends when their wives go to work in ‘trotro’ because he is madly in love.

To keep the relationship alive, a married man tells his woman lots of lots of myths. He will tell you he loves you more than his wife and 60 per cent of women believe it! 

Fact, however, is that most men do not look for something better but something different. He is in the affair just to satisfy his emotional needs.

You are not special to him because he can replace you anytime. He is using you to avoid dealing with his own marital conflicts. You remain a convenient vehicle or second choice goalkeeper!

A married man may assure you he can’t put up with his wife and will leave her for you because you are his soul mate. Here again, 60 per cent of women believe it but in the end only 1 per cent of married men do so. 

In fact, if the man does not leave his wife within three months chances are he wouldn’t. He has many excuses to give; give him time, his children may be miserable or he may lose his job or face. 

The truth is he will never leave because he has built his life around his family and wouldn’t sacrifice them for you. You keep waiting till you are let down in the ‘last show’. 

Even if he leaves his wife for you, you will always have a sense of guilt for destroying a family. If he doesn’t, you get heart-broken and dispirited because you do not feel worthy enough. Either way you lose.

Is your lover taken?

Dating a man who is taken is not a tea party. Like a ‘percher’ you can only sneak around. You have restrictions because you can’t see him when you need him most or openly express your emotions to friends and family. You live in an uncertain future.

If you are ‘perching’ accept today to ‘fly away’ and take hold of your life because perching is damaging, painful, time-wasting and demeaning. 

Do not put your life on hold for a man who is taken because you deserve better.

 Appreciate that for every man who is taken there are many other singles who are better.  

Again, accept that what goes around comes around. If in future when you marry you do not expect ‘perchers’ around your marriage, do not do it to others.

The most fulfilling relationship is one you can have for yourself and to yourself. If you are perching, choose to be strong and do the honourable thing by moving on with your life. 

If you become a true model of womanhood, true love will find you.

The writer is the Director of Eudoo Counselling Centre, West Legon. He is also the author of ‘Your Guide to Marriage, Love Unlimited and The Journey of Love’ (Jydboakye.yahoo.com)

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